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Friday, February 18, 2011

A "Personality"

At some point in time I looked at my little baby and realized he was a person. Okay maybe a "personality" is another way to describe it.
The first year was him needing me for every single thing. One might say it is the way a mother and her child bond, this is true to some extent I think. And now he turns his light on when he wants to play in his play area and off when he is done; he opens the fridge and brings me the milk when he wants it; he grabs his coat and tries to put on his boots when he wants to go outside; he falls asleep on the couch with the dog when he is tired and does not require rocking or a bottle to do so; He is a Personality, with likes, dislikes, and a fairly well-rounded view of his world at this point.

As a new mother I suppose every single stage they go through feels as if it will last forever; I think that is the hardest part. When he spit up half of everything he ate for the first 6 months I thought that would last forever. When he cried half the night in pain with teething I thought that would last forever too. I thought he would always need to be carried from place to place and then he learned how to crawl, then he learned to walk, then to run, and now I can barely keep up! I thought wrong, Infants grow into independent, self-feeding, dancing toddlers, and I sure do love mine.

I am in constant amazement of this whole motherhood thing. I will be the first to tell you that I felt completely unprepared at first. I was shaking scared and everyone just looked at me smiling as if I should have it all figured out. I still don't have myself figured out, Why would it make sense that I would understand something I had never done before?! Now I realize that we all learn these things through time and experience. Nobody can tell you how it is going to be, mostly because you aren't willing to listen, you are too busy holding onto ideals that aren't that special anyway, at least that is my story.

So, kudos to the kids for growing and opening their minds to a new adventure and lesson every single day, I for one am taking a few lessons from them on that aspect of life.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Red River Gorge

We went to the Red River Gorge today. It was perfectly beautiful.... I needed it. To step outside of my small world; Just to step outside, period, was amazing. It was sixty, the sun was shining and lying on top of that warm ridge rock made me feel peace in ways I am unaccustomed to.

Recovery is now, "Valentines Day" is tomorrow, and there lie the glorious plans of hiding away at home all day and making glittery cards for one another and rainbow cake ( Thank you Mama Kayla for the idea, Dave bought all the stuff and insist I attempt one :). Picture upload later.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Eat, Exercise, Breathe.

School has consumed me.. BUT my mind is very full of inspiration. My personal growth of late has been immense...Well I suppose my realization of it has been the most important piece of the puzzle.

People, I am happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in... well I guess since I can remember. Not every day is super awesome, but it doesn't matter. My mantra, "This too shall pass" has calmed me, and if that doesn't work I remind myself that there is good in all things. Sometimes you just have to look really hard for the good, or accept that it may not be visible to you.

I never knew how to cope. I never knew how to embrace life for what it was. I knew how to break down and curl up into a ball and expect to be held like a child, and then cry harder when that didn't happen. Those skills got me no where but on a cocktail of medications. And while I do not deny that they have their place and time, I desired another way. I am now active in my mental health; I eat well, exercise, actively focus on the positive and the present. It ain't always easy but to breathe deeply and feel free is worth every ounce of energy drained from me in the process.

I thought I would share this. For some this would seem silly, but my life has been changed. Hell, it is constantly being changed anyway, might as well direct it in a positive direction.