Feeding the Chickens this morning was more dreary than usual. Even the Chickens were more reluctant to leave the coop for food. The sun is still tucked neatly behind some clouds and the ground once covered by snow is now a mud slick that tries to suck feet in with each step. I love how the snow covers and cleans everything up; with it gone I am reminded of all the work that needs to be done around our house (Sigh). It will wait for spring though and I will wait for another snowfall to help me forget about it.
Jackson is with his Mamaw and Paw until after New Year's. They had become so accustomed to watching him a few days every week during the school year that missing him for nearly 2 weeks almost killed them. Only problem is that now I miss him. He is such a joyful child and I love being able to just spend time with him: play, laugh, read books, and dance our legs off.
I found old pictures of him yesterday when I was cleaning the house and I just cried. He is not that infant. He has a personality now with likes, dislikes, and ways of showing affection and disgust. He is amazing to me. In the stack of pictures were also the pictures of his birth. I looked at that girl pushing a baby through and out of her body and I realize that she is not that girl. I have grown tremendously as a person since that day. Motherhood is the single most trying task I have encountered and yet we get through every single day. Jack is a healthy, happy, intelligent child and I don't know that a mother could ask for anymore.
This evening we are having friends over for drinks, games, food, and good times. I met Melanie during this past semester (smoking outside, which we have both now successfully quit!) and we had so much in common we became instant friends. I am excited to catch up with her and meet her boyfriend and for her to meet Dave.
And that is what the "holidays" are all about, great food and drink, laughter, joy, and spending time with those you love, whether it be in a beautiful snowfall or horrible mud slick, that is what it is all about.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Broken Things.
Add my laptop to the list....(sigh) My hard drive is gone, along with pictures of Jack's first birthday and my pre-surgery boob pictures. It just wouldn't start this morning and nothing we tried would coax it into cooperating one last time for a transfer of files to the externals. I tell myself every time I have a crash that this is the last time I will be caught with my pants down so to speak, that I will back up every single file I have. And yet I never seem to get around to it. My hope now is that we will be able to send off and get the files extracted by a professional, Boobie shots and all.
The breaker also went a few days ago so I have had no washer or dryer for about 3 days now. To top off this delightful season Jackson and I are both on antibiotics after a doctor visit today. But Jackson is now peacefully resting and as the scene to our left indicates, I am enjoying a small glass of Jim Beam Rye and Ginger Ale (My new favorite drink, You should try it if you haven't.)
The good news is that I am not broken. Well not anymore. Not after I had a good cry and walk in the snow with the most beautifully strong, kind, and patient man that I know. Dave has a way of encouraging me to be happy even when my brain chemistry pulls so hard in every opposite direction, He reminds me that it is perfectly fine to take a deep breath and restart my day as many times as it takes to get it right, today... it took until about 1 am. (I just realized "today" in that last sentence is over. Technically I never did get yesterday right, But today has started out GREAT and I haven't even slept!)
So in light of so many "broken things" I feel it is appropriate to focus on all the things that couldn't be more "unbroken":
1. In spite of 2 very ill participants, our Christmas morning was delightful! Jackson played and played with new toys. His car ramps were definitely his favorite, especially after I showed him that many different objects could be cleverly shot down the ramp. (Pictures might be posted when I get a steady computer for downloading them from my camera.)
2. A new hard drive has been ordered for my laptop.
3. 2 plane tickets destined for Switzerland from May 22nd through June 2nd were purchased today! Our honeymoon destination is official and there are no refunds now.
4. Dave bought what we need to fix the breaker. And I found out that we all have more clothes to wear than I thought and that it is totally possible to go 2 weeks without doing laundry.
4. Dave took it upon himself to buy me a spicy East Indian Snack Mix that is tasty as hell since I am sick and prepare curative chili and bread for us all in the same day. I am going to stop there for fear that this is getting too lovey and sweet.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tantrums
So the kiddo has been walking around crying for what feels like days now. I mean he takes spells where he is just unsettled, nothing is good enough, he eats and plays, but cries at the same time. It is pitiful, but seeing how nothing I do seems to help for long I am ignoring these tantrums and it honestly seems to make them at least shorter. I know, I'm a mean 'ol momma, but Jack should definitely be used to it by now.
I busted my leg wearing these damn weights today and let out a stream of cursing that would make my brother proud (he taught me every conventional, and non-conventional cuss word I know). The problem with these things is that the added weight means added weight when they are slamming into things too, so, on that note I am angrily putting them away for the day.
Christmas is closer. I am excited, at least at the thought of all the wine and egg nog that I get to ingest over the next few days, mostly at others expense, Sweet, I know. I remember the days when suggesting we have alcohol at my mother's house would have resulted in an argument hardly worth the trouble. Her new openness on the issue has made a huge difference in my willingness to drive the 2 hours to her house for a visit. Smart Move Momma!
I guess it is time to prepare; prepare for the quiet evening at home and christmas with my parents tomorrow. Hello, heated coffee, good-bye propped up feet (I think the ankle weights actually lead to more sitting than ass-toning anyway). How many times can you microwave old coffee and still be a reasonable adult?
I busted my leg wearing these damn weights today and let out a stream of cursing that would make my brother proud (he taught me every conventional, and non-conventional cuss word I know). The problem with these things is that the added weight means added weight when they are slamming into things too, so, on that note I am angrily putting them away for the day.
Christmas is closer. I am excited, at least at the thought of all the wine and egg nog that I get to ingest over the next few days, mostly at others expense, Sweet, I know. I remember the days when suggesting we have alcohol at my mother's house would have resulted in an argument hardly worth the trouble. Her new openness on the issue has made a huge difference in my willingness to drive the 2 hours to her house for a visit. Smart Move Momma!
I guess it is time to prepare; prepare for the quiet evening at home and christmas with my parents tomorrow. Hello, heated coffee, good-bye propped up feet (I think the ankle weights actually lead to more sitting than ass-toning anyway). How many times can you microwave old coffee and still be a reasonable adult?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Yes, I now use Ankle Weights...
And they suck, I trip over anything that I don't consciously lift my legs higher than normal to avoid. On the plus side I honestly feel 10 pounds lighter when they are gone, but only because they weigh ten pounds.
I love being home, but I also loved my routine that allowed for 3 days of intense exercise each week. I have all the equipment at home to work out, but fear that the break in routine will result in a physical activity reduction and I know how important it is for me to keep this up. Since I began this exercise regime I eat more, weigh the same, but have dropped two sizes, have visible definition in my upper body, and for the first time in a long time, am beginning to experience stability in my moods. Yes, Exercise is wonderful, and in the spirit of keeping it up, I will wear my ankle weights with a smile and pretend to still have an ounce of dignity. : )
Oh Christmastime, sweet Christmastime. The time of year in which everything seems to just shit out. This year's list of appliances that crapped out for the Christmas season include: Dave's computer and the stove/oven, the internet also went down for a day or so but Windstream has already fixed that. This wouldn't be so bad if appliances like these were given away, which I think would make complete sense in the spirit of Christmas.
Dave had high hopes of fixing the oven, but the part we needed for it alone would've cost $250+, and this is not the time of year in which we have that kind of cash lying around, so we looked for a used one and found an old Whirlpool for $100 at a peddler's mall type of place in our town. We were soooo relieved. We use that stove every single day without fail and the night it all went out we had to resort to using the microwave to make sauce for our Chinese chicken dish. This stove is not a flat top nor is it digital like our old one and we couldn't be happier about it. Through this we realized that while digital appliances may look "chic" they have far more expensive parts.
The best part is that we have more decor to add to the outside of our place, A nice black oven is always a nice touch to any yard area. And the yard area is where it will stay until county clean-up. (Sigh)
The computer issue has yet to be resolved but I still have the cheap Dell we found on Ebay for me and I think we will be able to share just fine, at least until I have to go back to school.
Merry Christmas to all and I hope the attack of the appliance gremlins isn't widespread.
P.S. Jackson says: "baby", "butt", and "hat" now. He repeats "baby" when we say it to him, "butt" when I wipe his butt, and "hat" when he tries to put things on his head like a sock or slinky. It is very, very cute.
I love being home, but I also loved my routine that allowed for 3 days of intense exercise each week. I have all the equipment at home to work out, but fear that the break in routine will result in a physical activity reduction and I know how important it is for me to keep this up. Since I began this exercise regime I eat more, weigh the same, but have dropped two sizes, have visible definition in my upper body, and for the first time in a long time, am beginning to experience stability in my moods. Yes, Exercise is wonderful, and in the spirit of keeping it up, I will wear my ankle weights with a smile and pretend to still have an ounce of dignity. : )
Oh Christmastime, sweet Christmastime. The time of year in which everything seems to just shit out. This year's list of appliances that crapped out for the Christmas season include: Dave's computer and the stove/oven, the internet also went down for a day or so but Windstream has already fixed that. This wouldn't be so bad if appliances like these were given away, which I think would make complete sense in the spirit of Christmas.
Dave had high hopes of fixing the oven, but the part we needed for it alone would've cost $250+, and this is not the time of year in which we have that kind of cash lying around, so we looked for a used one and found an old Whirlpool for $100 at a peddler's mall type of place in our town. We were soooo relieved. We use that stove every single day without fail and the night it all went out we had to resort to using the microwave to make sauce for our Chinese chicken dish. This stove is not a flat top nor is it digital like our old one and we couldn't be happier about it. Through this we realized that while digital appliances may look "chic" they have far more expensive parts.
The best part is that we have more decor to add to the outside of our place, A nice black oven is always a nice touch to any yard area. And the yard area is where it will stay until county clean-up. (Sigh)
The computer issue has yet to be resolved but I still have the cheap Dell we found on Ebay for me and I think we will be able to share just fine, at least until I have to go back to school.
Merry Christmas to all and I hope the attack of the appliance gremlins isn't widespread.
P.S. Jackson says: "baby", "butt", and "hat" now. He repeats "baby" when we say it to him, "butt" when I wipe his butt, and "hat" when he tries to put things on his head like a sock or slinky. It is very, very cute.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Free from the Scholastic Chains.
I feel at least 10 pound lighter than I did this morning. The first semester of my senior year has come to an end and I have not had a nervous breakdown!! There's a Christmas Miracle if I ever saw one. I have no clue what I made in my classes and quite honestly I don't even care, it just feels good to have one responsibility lifted from my shoulders, if only briefly. It was a good semester though. I met so many wonderful people that I call friends and learned so many things. I know all about abnormal psychology now, Personality Disorders, Psychoses, Eating Disorders, Axis I Disorders (Depression, Anxiety, etc) and have diagnosed nearly everyone I know : ). I also discovered that the criminal justice system is quite complex and crooked, and the decriminalization of illegal drugs would help our country and the people in it far more than the policy of prohibition and abstinence we observe now. Let's see, Psychological Testing and statistics really didn't make that much of an impact on me so.... We'll just leave it at that.
Jackson, on the other hand, did not fair so well during finals week, but has a terrible cold. I say "terrible" because it is the first time that he has really been sick since he was born. We were lucky, I know. He snots, and coughs, and cries when I wipe or try to suck the snot out. He doesn't want to eat anything and I know it is because everything tastes like those little crackers we used to eat at communion as kids.
In spite of it all, he is still very pleasant. He says "pot" now and "hot pot", which I realize are very similar, but I know he is saying 2 distinct words, It is one of those things a Momma kinda knows.
I dreamt last night that he was stringing words together in sentences, and I know the time for that in reality is very near.
We are actually enjoying the holidays this years. Last year seemed like such a struggle with a new baby and dealing with what I still won't admit was post partum depression. This year is different though. This year we have bonded and grown tremendously as a family and are ready to relish each moment and memory that we make.
Time are hard. This is evident in the grim look everyone seems to share out there handing cashiers credit cards that are one swipe away from being maxed out. And in this I am reminded that none of the plastic crap in the stores out there makes people happy anyway. Happiness comes from within, it comes from the love we give and the love given to us. Jackson shows me how a spoon, or a broken toy can be just as entertaining as the most high tech baby toys out there. These realizations are good. I am getting on track. I am glad to be free from scholastic activities for a brief time to truly enjoy this. :)
Happy Holidays to All! Enjoy whatever it is in the world that makes you happy!
Jackson, on the other hand, did not fair so well during finals week, but has a terrible cold. I say "terrible" because it is the first time that he has really been sick since he was born. We were lucky, I know. He snots, and coughs, and cries when I wipe or try to suck the snot out. He doesn't want to eat anything and I know it is because everything tastes like those little crackers we used to eat at communion as kids.
In spite of it all, he is still very pleasant. He says "pot" now and "hot pot", which I realize are very similar, but I know he is saying 2 distinct words, It is one of those things a Momma kinda knows.
I dreamt last night that he was stringing words together in sentences, and I know the time for that in reality is very near.
We are actually enjoying the holidays this years. Last year seemed like such a struggle with a new baby and dealing with what I still won't admit was post partum depression. This year is different though. This year we have bonded and grown tremendously as a family and are ready to relish each moment and memory that we make.
Time are hard. This is evident in the grim look everyone seems to share out there handing cashiers credit cards that are one swipe away from being maxed out. And in this I am reminded that none of the plastic crap in the stores out there makes people happy anyway. Happiness comes from within, it comes from the love we give and the love given to us. Jackson shows me how a spoon, or a broken toy can be just as entertaining as the most high tech baby toys out there. These realizations are good. I am getting on track. I am glad to be free from scholastic activities for a brief time to truly enjoy this. :)
Happy Holidays to All! Enjoy whatever it is in the world that makes you happy!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Bite-Hot-Lights!
Thanksgiving was wonderful! It was a break from our daily routines that I know we all needed!
Food, Family, Fun: Jackson used his new molars to chew through turkey, ham, stuffing, pies, yeast rolls, cake, squash, beans, and a number of other tasty treats that I felt absolutely no guilt in letting him or myself indulge. Speaking of molars, Jackson now how a total of 12 teeth! He loves his toothbrush and will pick up and put into his mouth anyone's toothbrush that he finds!
He says "hot" constantly, mainly in reference to food, fire, and anything that is hot; He has it figured out! Lights used to be "hot" but now they are "lights" and "bite" he uses when he feeds the dog. All these words are so cute to hear come from his tiny little mouth and it is fun watching him analyzing the movements of our mouths when putting words together and then his over-exaggerated imitations.
Over Thanksgiving weekend Daddy Dave went out in the woods and cut a cedar tree for me to decorate. I pushed for the fake tree, it is what we always used in my family and I felt a real Christmas tree would be too much trouble. That, and I will be the first to admit that I like the "perfection" that the artificial trees offer, although perfection is something that I have had to let go lately for the sake of my sanity. Okay on to the tree, I am so glad he cut a real one for us!! It smells divine, beautiful, natural, and once I got past the pricks in my hand and arms, I am convinced I will want a real tree each and every year! Needless to say, Jackson loves the tree and the lights and playing with the ornaments which he will gently remove and then try to place back into the tree, I am just glad that "put it back Jack" has finally paid off and now we rarely have to even say it.
I am also surprisingly excited about Santa Claus! I previously didn't really want to observe this tradition for my children, but there is something about having a sweet, curious child around that makes the holidays magical again, and I want to recreate that magic for Jackson. So Santa, has finished much of "his" shopping and simply cannot wait to see the excitement and fun of Christmas morning.
I finally feel caught up with school and with life, and am taking a day to just relax a bit and catch my breath. It has been a great holiday! The best part is that the holidays have just begun!
Food, Family, Fun: Jackson used his new molars to chew through turkey, ham, stuffing, pies, yeast rolls, cake, squash, beans, and a number of other tasty treats that I felt absolutely no guilt in letting him or myself indulge. Speaking of molars, Jackson now how a total of 12 teeth! He loves his toothbrush and will pick up and put into his mouth anyone's toothbrush that he finds!
He says "hot" constantly, mainly in reference to food, fire, and anything that is hot; He has it figured out! Lights used to be "hot" but now they are "lights" and "bite" he uses when he feeds the dog. All these words are so cute to hear come from his tiny little mouth and it is fun watching him analyzing the movements of our mouths when putting words together and then his over-exaggerated imitations.
Over Thanksgiving weekend Daddy Dave went out in the woods and cut a cedar tree for me to decorate. I pushed for the fake tree, it is what we always used in my family and I felt a real Christmas tree would be too much trouble. That, and I will be the first to admit that I like the "perfection" that the artificial trees offer, although perfection is something that I have had to let go lately for the sake of my sanity. Okay on to the tree, I am so glad he cut a real one for us!! It smells divine, beautiful, natural, and once I got past the pricks in my hand and arms, I am convinced I will want a real tree each and every year! Needless to say, Jackson loves the tree and the lights and playing with the ornaments which he will gently remove and then try to place back into the tree, I am just glad that "put it back Jack" has finally paid off and now we rarely have to even say it.
I am also surprisingly excited about Santa Claus! I previously didn't really want to observe this tradition for my children, but there is something about having a sweet, curious child around that makes the holidays magical again, and I want to recreate that magic for Jackson. So Santa, has finished much of "his" shopping and simply cannot wait to see the excitement and fun of Christmas morning.
I finally feel caught up with school and with life, and am taking a day to just relax a bit and catch my breath. It has been a great holiday! The best part is that the holidays have just begun!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Belated Halloween Post
I am behind as usual with just about everything except being a spectacular Momma to my most wonderful son! : )Halloween was very fun for Mr. Jackson. I had breast augmentation surgery the Monday before Halloween, so he had spent the entire week with his Mamaw and Paw in Jackson Co. while Momma was recovering. Since I still wasn't able to lift him we created a caravan of helpers to aid in this 'lil Pirate's trick-or-treat experience.
We first went to Great Aunt Betty's house. Jackson visits there often in the County and always helps throw the ball for Billy Clyde dog.
We then stopped by Mamaw and Paw's House and got a Reese Cup, He liked chewing on the wrapper more than actually eating the candy and I was just fine with that! It could've been the bright wrapper or maybe the peanut buttery aroma but Reese's were Jackson's favorite for the night.Of Course he couldn't leave without first playing a tune on the piano!
And a Family photo was definitely in order!
Later we went to Great Aunt Judy's house where Jackson fell in love with the Harvest trees and picked up more sweet treats! He was very tired by this point and started his very scary Halloween-y growl to let us know that it was time to head home with out sweet bounty and rest for the night!I felt very lucky to see Family in Jackson County as I make it down there so little these days with school keeping me up to my ears in research papers and Stress. But most importantly I was overjoyed to get to spend this holiday with Jackson; before the surgery I feared that recovery would be much harder than it actually was, and that I might not feel up to even getting out of the bed for Halloween. A week away nearly killed me and hearing his sweet voice on the phone is nothing like having him whisper those sweet nothings directly into your ear.
Things are back to normal now. We have a sweet toddling boy running around the house carrying toys and especially books! He says hot when he sees fire or touches anything warm and seeing his eyes light up with new understanding excites me to no end. I see all the possibilities in my son and I know we are both lucky to have each other.
Monday, October 25, 2010
1st Birthday Party!
So in the middle of midterms - just like last year when he was born- Jackson turned one year old, Luckily I didn't have class that day so Jackson and I hung out, played, and ate blueberry pancake made by yours truly. Later that day we went to the farm on which we are getting married and had, family and a few engagement pictures taken by First Comes Love Photography. They were just awesome, full of energy and ideas and I can't wait to see how the pictures come out.This Past Saturday we actually celebrated his birthday with a small group of family and friends.
So without further ado here are some pictures of Jackson Daniel Brown's very First Birthday Party
Beautiful Aunt Jessica and 1 Year old Jackson, Helping him celebrate his big day!
Hijacking Auntie Kayla's straw, trying to put it back in her drink with little success. We were both very happy to see Kayla and Felicia arrive.
Grandma and cousin Ella. It was such a beautiful day for a Birthday Party!
Pappy Dan arrives and Jackson is very happy with the loads of attention given him.
Cousin Kiley pets Bear dog with little fear given his massive size.
One Year ago he was a small wriggling baby in my body, and now he is my son. He is a vibrant 1 year old who loves to play and dance to super loud music.He loves to eat hot peppers and cayenne flavored dishes with the exception of rubbing it into his eyes. We love him very much.
Opening Presents. He got so many awesome gifts, now we just have to figure out how we are going to store them in our very small house!
Cousin Kiley Helps Jackson Open and Play with presents. He has much to learn about these birthday celebrations. Auntie Felicia came too!
Cake Time!
Blowing out candles. Well actually I blew them out while Jackson tried to grab the flames.
First bite of cake. Organic and sweet, He loved it!
Cake+Jack= Big mess!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Baby Steps
It's official! Jackson Daniel Brown is walking! Slow baby steps with his arms held out to either side of his small body but I know it is a matter of time before I am running after him.
He is 10 1/2 months old and since we missed his 9 month wellness check up (because I was working 40+ hours / week to help with bills) I rescheduled and we finally got his stats.
Weighing in at 23 1/2 pounds and 30 inches in length he is in the 75 percentile in both height and weight.
Our pediatrician did have great news that shortly they would be dropping their patients that did not vaccinate because "we are too much of a liability on the insurance." A scare tactic I am sure, to get us to shoot him up. I politely told her to "just let us know when that time comes and we will find another pediatrician who can afford us." She simply nodded and looked at me with a mixed look of disgust and awe and it felt awesome.
He also has another tooth bringing him to a total of 7!
And while Jackson is busy growing and developing at an alarming rate I am back in school. A senior this year, and as I begin to plan for a career I take a breath and exhale realizing that I will only have 3 more years after this one. I know I can do it.
Take your baby steps Jackson, Momma is right behind you, holding her hands out to catch you if you fall. Always there to catch you whenever the time might come.
He is 10 1/2 months old and since we missed his 9 month wellness check up (because I was working 40+ hours / week to help with bills) I rescheduled and we finally got his stats.
Weighing in at 23 1/2 pounds and 30 inches in length he is in the 75 percentile in both height and weight.
Our pediatrician did have great news that shortly they would be dropping their patients that did not vaccinate because "we are too much of a liability on the insurance." A scare tactic I am sure, to get us to shoot him up. I politely told her to "just let us know when that time comes and we will find another pediatrician who can afford us." She simply nodded and looked at me with a mixed look of disgust and awe and it felt awesome.
He also has another tooth bringing him to a total of 7!
And while Jackson is busy growing and developing at an alarming rate I am back in school. A senior this year, and as I begin to plan for a career I take a breath and exhale realizing that I will only have 3 more years after this one. I know I can do it.
Take your baby steps Jackson, Momma is right behind you, holding her hands out to catch you if you fall. Always there to catch you whenever the time might come.
Monday, August 23, 2010
My Dearest Jackson
So for your 10 month celebration (and partly because Momma and Daddy wanted to add some spontaneity to your fairly calm first year we decided to take your to the zoo this past Saturday. Sporting your new Winnie-the-Pooh umbrella stroller (not because we support Disney, but because it was cheap) you were the coolest 10 month old at the zoo, with the coolest parents, of Course!
We stopped to see the turtles first, which until that day, I was unaware have some intense sex. We told you they were playing, and laughed with the other parents after I took some video of this honest act.
The big cats were asleep and the swarms of walking kids blocked your view of the very active monkeys, but you absolutely loved the flamingos! I held you up to the side of the rail and you laughed so hard at these pink creatures cleaning themselves.
You were also quite intrigued with the Elephants as they stomped around and lifted their trunks. I suppose the elephant was the largest moving thing you have yet to encounter, and the wonder in your eyes as you witnessed this was priceless. Unfortunately, you were too distracted to show this wonder to the camera as your Momma snapped photographs.
Of course, Riding on Dad's shoulder is always a fave of yours. However, you have gotten a little mean about it lately. After a thorough and painful examination of your Daddy's ear, you commenced the slapping and pulling of hair which ultimately landed you back into your stroller.
But you still got to pet the goats. Which, from the smile on your face, I think you enjoyed.
Your day at the Louisville Zoo Ended in front of the entrance with you totally done with it all, screaming in your stroller, and your Sweet Momma trying to seem unconcerned and pose for a picture.
(Sigh). You are growing fast baby. You are changing everyday and changing our world as well.
- With Love- Your Momma.
We stopped to see the turtles first, which until that day, I was unaware have some intense sex. We told you they were playing, and laughed with the other parents after I took some video of this honest act.
The big cats were asleep and the swarms of walking kids blocked your view of the very active monkeys, but you absolutely loved the flamingos! I held you up to the side of the rail and you laughed so hard at these pink creatures cleaning themselves.
You were also quite intrigued with the Elephants as they stomped around and lifted their trunks. I suppose the elephant was the largest moving thing you have yet to encounter, and the wonder in your eyes as you witnessed this was priceless. Unfortunately, you were too distracted to show this wonder to the camera as your Momma snapped photographs.
Of course, Riding on Dad's shoulder is always a fave of yours. However, you have gotten a little mean about it lately. After a thorough and painful examination of your Daddy's ear, you commenced the slapping and pulling of hair which ultimately landed you back into your stroller.
But you still got to pet the goats. Which, from the smile on your face, I think you enjoyed.
Your day at the Louisville Zoo Ended in front of the entrance with you totally done with it all, screaming in your stroller, and your Sweet Momma trying to seem unconcerned and pose for a picture.
(Sigh). You are growing fast baby. You are changing everyday and changing our world as well.- With Love- Your Momma.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Nature Boy
Jackson Daniel never seems to become tired with the great outdoors. The dirt, grass, leaves, and apples from the trees offer our boy hours of joy and play. He may get restless with his pile of toys in the house, but never nature.
Thus, when I see my shadow next to his smaller one with the sun behind us while he is playing in the grass, and I witness the glistening of his sweat on his scalp and upper lip, I know he is our boy.
I know it in a way that couldn't be realized with the expulsion of his wriggling body from mine. It comes from watching him grow and seeing the personality and traits that only a combination of myself and Dave could create.
Jackson is nearly 10 months old now. 10 MONTHS! That is absurd to me. How did this time go by so quickly? He is his own little person now that becomes more evident every single day. And I am his mother; holding his hand as he is learning to walk, reading him books while he mimics the tones of my voice, pulling him close when the pains of growth are just too much, I am his mother.
We struggle together, but nothing in this world is as sweet, pure, and wonderful as the weight of his body against my chest as he gives in and rests against me.
Thus, when I see my shadow next to his smaller one with the sun behind us while he is playing in the grass, and I witness the glistening of his sweat on his scalp and upper lip, I know he is our boy.
I know it in a way that couldn't be realized with the expulsion of his wriggling body from mine. It comes from watching him grow and seeing the personality and traits that only a combination of myself and Dave could create.
Jackson is nearly 10 months old now. 10 MONTHS! That is absurd to me. How did this time go by so quickly? He is his own little person now that becomes more evident every single day. And I am his mother; holding his hand as he is learning to walk, reading him books while he mimics the tones of my voice, pulling him close when the pains of growth are just too much, I am his mother.
We struggle together, but nothing in this world is as sweet, pure, and wonderful as the weight of his body against my chest as he gives in and rests against me.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Dear Jackson,
Baby you are 8 months old. You can sit, stand, and crawl. You can grab a bag of cereal off the couch, open it, eat the cereal, and then look up guiltily when you get caught. You like music, all music, and you like it loud. You love dancing with your Momma and she loves it too.
You still squeal to the top of your lungs every chance you get. You made your Momma carry you in the grocery store while she pushed the buggy because you broke down, screaming and crying when riding in the front of it.
You have 4 teeth and a temporary tattoo on your leg that your Momma put on there yesterday because she knew it would make her smile.
Baby it has not always been easy. There have been times that your Momma could do nothing for you but cry for you and herself at the same time. And then I see that 4 toothed smile, and I know that it was worth it. Every last seemingly unbearable moment was worth it all. I hear you happily babble and giggle like a little boy and I melt.
I want your life to always be this simple and happy. At the same time I know that it will be the hardships that define you as an individual. Thank you for being my sweet son. Thank you for completely turning my life upside down, it was just what I needed, you were just what I needed.
With Love,
Your Momma.
You still squeal to the top of your lungs every chance you get. You made your Momma carry you in the grocery store while she pushed the buggy because you broke down, screaming and crying when riding in the front of it.
You have 4 teeth and a temporary tattoo on your leg that your Momma put on there yesterday because she knew it would make her smile.
Baby it has not always been easy. There have been times that your Momma could do nothing for you but cry for you and herself at the same time. And then I see that 4 toothed smile, and I know that it was worth it. Every last seemingly unbearable moment was worth it all. I hear you happily babble and giggle like a little boy and I melt.
I want your life to always be this simple and happy. At the same time I know that it will be the hardships that define you as an individual. Thank you for being my sweet son. Thank you for completely turning my life upside down, it was just what I needed, you were just what I needed.
With Love,
Your Momma.
Monday, June 21, 2010
My First Mixed Cd and Father's Day.
First of all I want to admit that Lil' Jack Daniel has his first mixed CD. We bought this great little cd player on vacation for the beach with full intents of hooking the Ipod up to and playing some Raffi for Jackson to go to sleep to. Our Ipod, unfortunately was stolen in Ft. Lauderdale so we decided that a CD would do nicely and that Jack probably wouldn't mind listening to the same 17 songs again and again.
Vienna Teng rocks my baby through naps and the night, and he absolutely loves it! Seriously, he is sleeping all night now (besides waking up once, briefly, to moan through some teething pain, but I didn't have to get up so that doesn't count).
- Yesterday was also Dave's first official Father's Day (although we did celebrate a little last year because we were so excited)! Becoming a parent definitely has made me realize/appreciate, all the sacrifices and love it takes to raise a child. Dave has done all of this so gracefully and beautifully. It honestly puts me to shame at times.
Since we returned from the beach, money has been tight so I rescheduled gifting for a later date, but made sure to remind him (after I returned home from work) of what a wonderful father he truly is.
I feel that Jackson is so very lucky to have Dave for a father. Dave is a father who is just as ready to get on the floor and play with his son as he is to teach him new things, to point something out and say, "See son, this is how it works." And most importantly he is a father who loves with his whole heart and gives that love freely to his family.
Vienna Teng rocks my baby through naps and the night, and he absolutely loves it! Seriously, he is sleeping all night now (besides waking up once, briefly, to moan through some teething pain, but I didn't have to get up so that doesn't count).
- Yesterday was also Dave's first official Father's Day (although we did celebrate a little last year because we were so excited)! Becoming a parent definitely has made me realize/appreciate, all the sacrifices and love it takes to raise a child. Dave has done all of this so gracefully and beautifully. It honestly puts me to shame at times.
Since we returned from the beach, money has been tight so I rescheduled gifting for a later date, but made sure to remind him (after I returned home from work) of what a wonderful father he truly is.
I feel that Jackson is so very lucky to have Dave for a father. Dave is a father who is just as ready to get on the floor and play with his son as he is to teach him new things, to point something out and say, "See son, this is how it works." And most importantly he is a father who loves with his whole heart and gives that love freely to his family.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Back in the Saddle Again.
I have been missing for a week. I knew where I was: on a well deserved vacation. Jackson didn't accompany us on this excursion. This was a trip of a young man and woman enjoying the beaches and sites of Ft. Lauderdale and Key West.
The beaches were beautiful.
The drinks were cold.
The fishing was exhilarating.
And of Course... The company was divine.
As with all trips we take, we are always happy to see home again. And after 17 hours of traveling back through 102 degree weather our humble home had never been more Beautiful.
Jackson Had a vacation as well, With his grandparents. Here he learned how to crawl, pull up to his knees, and sometimes pull up to standing. He says "dad" quite clearly and I am simply "Ma" especially when I am walking away from him and he is not yet finished with my attention.
This kid is on the move and the baby proofing has yet to begin.
I didn't even realize how terribly I had missed him until I held him in my arms again and all I could do was squeeze and kiss him while he tried to wiggle away.
I realize once again that they continue to change and grow with or without your presence and I wouldn't want it any other way.
The beaches were beautiful.
The drinks were cold.
The fishing was exhilarating.
And of Course... The company was divine.
As with all trips we take, we are always happy to see home again. And after 17 hours of traveling back through 102 degree weather our humble home had never been more Beautiful.
Jackson Had a vacation as well, With his grandparents. Here he learned how to crawl, pull up to his knees, and sometimes pull up to standing. He says "dad" quite clearly and I am simply "Ma" especially when I am walking away from him and he is not yet finished with my attention.
This kid is on the move and the baby proofing has yet to begin.
I didn't even realize how terribly I had missed him until I held him in my arms again and all I could do was squeeze and kiss him while he tried to wiggle away.
I realize once again that they continue to change and grow with or without your presence and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Working Momma.
Returning to work has been much smoother than I had imagined.
5 am - wake up, shower, dress, try to do so quietly and not wake up the house. Houses have pretty rigid schedules you know.
5:30 am- write a note to Dave, slip out the door, fight with my car that is possessed (I am sure of it now), and leave for work.
6 am the work day starts at Cracker Barrel.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have found that I actually Like this schedule. I get home by 1:30 with plenty of time to enjoy the evening and these beautiful days. What I do not like is that this schedule means that Dave and I are "single" (as a mexican lady at our favorite restaurant, El Potrillo, refers to us when we do not bring Jackson with us) from Monday evening until Wednesday evening. He stays with my Parents and Grandparents during that time, nearly 2 hours away. It was the best baby sitting schedule I could come up with and I miss him terribly.
He is learning to do things so quickly. I feel like at some point the development really speeds up and I know I am missing some of it. I also know that I need to work and that I do not want to use day care. It's weird... I always thought I would love being a stay at home momma, but I have found that I definitely do not. I think toooooooo damn much and honestly I don't know how to handle that much thinking time.
Regardless I really feel like Jackson is adjusting well. He loves his grandparents and acts just as excited to see them as he does us, which pleases me. I am glad to see his attachment with them growing and I am reminded that it is exactly the way that families were always meant to be: everyone raising the kids together and helping one another. I know that the strong relationships that Jackson is building with his extended family will be more beneficial than me personally witnessing every developmental milestone, and with this thought comes peace and calm to my mind~
5 am - wake up, shower, dress, try to do so quietly and not wake up the house. Houses have pretty rigid schedules you know.
5:30 am- write a note to Dave, slip out the door, fight with my car that is possessed (I am sure of it now), and leave for work.
6 am the work day starts at Cracker Barrel.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I have found that I actually Like this schedule. I get home by 1:30 with plenty of time to enjoy the evening and these beautiful days. What I do not like is that this schedule means that Dave and I are "single" (as a mexican lady at our favorite restaurant, El Potrillo, refers to us when we do not bring Jackson with us) from Monday evening until Wednesday evening. He stays with my Parents and Grandparents during that time, nearly 2 hours away. It was the best baby sitting schedule I could come up with and I miss him terribly.
He is learning to do things so quickly. I feel like at some point the development really speeds up and I know I am missing some of it. I also know that I need to work and that I do not want to use day care. It's weird... I always thought I would love being a stay at home momma, but I have found that I definitely do not. I think toooooooo damn much and honestly I don't know how to handle that much thinking time.
Regardless I really feel like Jackson is adjusting well. He loves his grandparents and acts just as excited to see them as he does us, which pleases me. I am glad to see his attachment with them growing and I am reminded that it is exactly the way that families were always meant to be: everyone raising the kids together and helping one another. I know that the strong relationships that Jackson is building with his extended family will be more beneficial than me personally witnessing every developmental milestone, and with this thought comes peace and calm to my mind~
Introductions: Brindle learns a lesson.
So I believe that I have not once mentioned my little dog, Brindle. (Her given name is Penelope, but we call her Brindle as she has brindle in her coat, as many Boston Terriers do, and it is, Dave decided, easier to call her with.) I realized today, after an event that I will describe later, that if I had begun this blog before the birth of Jack Daniel that she would've already had at least one post devoted to her.
That is our sweet Brindle (Pre-Jackson, Her picture is rarely taken these days). She is the toughest, badest, little dog I know, and she knows it too.
Today that bad little dog figured out how a weed eater worked and suddenly she wasn't so tough. She thought that barking and running at the thing would be fun and she did so with great enthusiasm. Of course all "great" things usually come to a devastating end and this ended no differently. Running at the damn thing she ran smack into the string while it was churning weeds away. I heard a yelp, saw a dash and then thought briefly that perhaps she had run away again. She often does this when she is scolded. But then I heard the distinct sound of Brindle splashing in the creek. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, just a bit, as I knew she was seriously injured. I had tried to tell her to stay the hell away... but noooo she had to figure this one out for herself. Just like a child I suppose.
She came back minutes later dripping with creek water sporting a bloody gash on her bottom eyelid and several small red spots on her snout. I felt bad for laughing at her, gave her some left over chicken n' dumplin's (The best I've made thus far) from last nights dinner and patted her on the head. Oh the wild adventures of Brindle. One of the many tragic/comic events from her life thus far.
That is our sweet Brindle (Pre-Jackson, Her picture is rarely taken these days). She is the toughest, badest, little dog I know, and she knows it too. Today that bad little dog figured out how a weed eater worked and suddenly she wasn't so tough. She thought that barking and running at the thing would be fun and she did so with great enthusiasm. Of course all "great" things usually come to a devastating end and this ended no differently. Running at the damn thing she ran smack into the string while it was churning weeds away. I heard a yelp, saw a dash and then thought briefly that perhaps she had run away again. She often does this when she is scolded. But then I heard the distinct sound of Brindle splashing in the creek. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, just a bit, as I knew she was seriously injured. I had tried to tell her to stay the hell away... but noooo she had to figure this one out for herself. Just like a child I suppose.
She came back minutes later dripping with creek water sporting a bloody gash on her bottom eyelid and several small red spots on her snout. I felt bad for laughing at her, gave her some left over chicken n' dumplin's (The best I've made thus far) from last nights dinner and patted her on the head. Oh the wild adventures of Brindle. One of the many tragic/comic events from her life thus far.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Fearless.
I watch my boy, reaching, grabbing, pulling, and moving and realize that he is absolutely fearless. He will catapult from the bed without a second thought, pick up anything he finds and eat it. He will pet the biggest dog, put his fingers right in his mouth, and laugh while doing so. I am inspired~
And then I begin to wonder where the fears ever come from. Why is it that the sight of a spider sent me into hysterics for so many years. (I have since realized that I can destroy them far before they can even imagine doing me harm)
Fear has been a topic of interest to me lately. I have been facing them, overcoming, and then feeling silly for ever being held back in my endeavors because of a feeling that I couldn't even rationalize. I feel that to ever realize my full potential I must conquer all fear and reach a place in my mind of pure peace. Jackson inspires me... I see, through him, what that could be like.
Jackson has been changing so much lately. Here he was at my grandparents, banging on the piano. He is quite the sitter and getting ready to crawl... Baby proofing this house is a huge task that looms ahead and quite honestly, I dread it terribly.
I'm not sure if it is him or me. But one fine day this kid was just so much easier to deal with. The crying and screaming became less... Or perhaps I became more tolerant. I'm just now figuring out what he wants from me, and maybe he is too. I'm elated beyond words. This meshing that I so desired to occur between my baby and I finally seems to be panning out. We aren't opponents anymore, challenging one another on a daily basis, but a team working together for common interests.
Motherhood continues to be a ride, while I continue to try to hang on and laugh through as much of it as I can.
And then I begin to wonder where the fears ever come from. Why is it that the sight of a spider sent me into hysterics for so many years. (I have since realized that I can destroy them far before they can even imagine doing me harm)
Fear has been a topic of interest to me lately. I have been facing them, overcoming, and then feeling silly for ever being held back in my endeavors because of a feeling that I couldn't even rationalize. I feel that to ever realize my full potential I must conquer all fear and reach a place in my mind of pure peace. Jackson inspires me... I see, through him, what that could be like.
Jackson has been changing so much lately. Here he was at my grandparents, banging on the piano. He is quite the sitter and getting ready to crawl... Baby proofing this house is a huge task that looms ahead and quite honestly, I dread it terribly.
I'm not sure if it is him or me. But one fine day this kid was just so much easier to deal with. The crying and screaming became less... Or perhaps I became more tolerant. I'm just now figuring out what he wants from me, and maybe he is too. I'm elated beyond words. This meshing that I so desired to occur between my baby and I finally seems to be panning out. We aren't opponents anymore, challenging one another on a daily basis, but a team working together for common interests.
Motherhood continues to be a ride, while I continue to try to hang on and laugh through as much of it as I can.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Mr. Independent
And Independent he is. However, I see this internal struggle with him. He wants to do things on his own so badly and yet he can't just yet. He needs me to feed him, wash him, dress and move him from place to place.. This really seems to annoy him. I pity him. I know what that is like, I think it has always been an ongoing struggle for me. And yet I want to hold him, to snuggle and cuddle, and he just won't have it. I want to tell him "Jackson, you will be all on your own soon enough. Cling to your momma for as long as you can." But he wouldn't understand that now.
I think he will be so much happier when he can move around on his own. He is rolling in both directions now and does this pre-crawl thing where he pushes his feet on the floor and scoots on his head... I really need to get a picture of that.. it is quite humorous to see : ). I have been giving him animal crackers lately and he loves to feed himself. He makes quite a mess of himself but the smiles are so worth it, and our Boston Terrier, Penelope, loves to lick the crumbs off of him anyway.
I never really realized how easily babies become bored, but Lil Jack Daniel has made me very aware of that fact. Honestly, I find myself struggling to keep up with him, and it makes me wonder how fast that little mind is moving. I used to complain that my scholarly pursuits left me with no creative outlets, or even time to search those out. What I realized today is that my creative outlet arrived nearly 7 months ago, and it is time I start viewing this challenge as that.
My thoughts are scrambled, but my mind is clear. This is one tired momma that is going to enjoy this nap that her boy is taking as much as he will : ).
I think he will be so much happier when he can move around on his own. He is rolling in both directions now and does this pre-crawl thing where he pushes his feet on the floor and scoots on his head... I really need to get a picture of that.. it is quite humorous to see : ). I have been giving him animal crackers lately and he loves to feed himself. He makes quite a mess of himself but the smiles are so worth it, and our Boston Terrier, Penelope, loves to lick the crumbs off of him anyway.
I never really realized how easily babies become bored, but Lil Jack Daniel has made me very aware of that fact. Honestly, I find myself struggling to keep up with him, and it makes me wonder how fast that little mind is moving. I used to complain that my scholarly pursuits left me with no creative outlets, or even time to search those out. What I realized today is that my creative outlet arrived nearly 7 months ago, and it is time I start viewing this challenge as that.
My thoughts are scrambled, but my mind is clear. This is one tired momma that is going to enjoy this nap that her boy is taking as much as he will : ).
Friday, May 7, 2010
"Everything in Transit"
I feel like life is one big transition to the next. I guess I've always known this on some level, but becoming a mother has made this fact far more salient to me than ever before.
Jackson is ever-changing. From sweet smiles to screaming rotten, but besides those daily immediate changes, he is developing so fast. Rolling, sitting, eating, reaching, grabbing, pulling, screaming, feeding himself, babbling new things, ... the list just goes on and on.
And I think back to the infant I brought home 6 and a half months ago and I know it is not the same baby. Sure that baby had the potential to be the one he is now, but in that moment, that instance, he was different. And so was I.
I was a bright-eyed new mom, I had this perfect ideal of what life would be like with a baby around, and my paradigm was shattered.
So I am in transit constantly. Adjusting to this developing baby who has different needs on a daily basis. Adjusting to myself, who I have rediscovered multiple times in the past 6 months. I'm kind of overwhelmed. And so I stop looking back.
Jackson is 6 and a half months old and in the 90% percentile in both height and weight! 19.8 pounds and 27 1/2 inches! I tell him that he is just gonna have to learn how to walk if he gets much heavier. I never realized just how weak my upper body was!
I am officially finished with this spring semester. As far as I know I finished with a 4.0. Which looking back may well be a miracle (or a sign of some genius I wasn't aware of). I'm relieved for the break but I am also filled with a sense of loss. School is one of those things now that I do for myself. An outlet for me to be something other than "mama" and house cleaner. An opportunity to be a scholar, and better myself. I really liked the routine of it all. What I also know is that my home needs my attention terribly and so I think this is a good transition for now. Besides, I will have all the opportunities I desire to be a scholar come fall semester ; ).
Since I haven't put pictures up for a while I thought I would update. While pictures can't do this hefty cutie justice, it is almost as good.
The three of us enjoying a warm spring day.
He loves being outside and he loves that stroller.
sitting up like a pro (most of the time).
Park day. I finally found the park in Jessamine County. I don't know why I felt as if it had been hiding from me, but I was very excited to find it. Jackson was super amused with the grass and wind... His hat he really didn't dig much : )
Sunny days at Lake Reba. We got to enjoy the company of Kayla and Story.
Jackson is ever-changing. From sweet smiles to screaming rotten, but besides those daily immediate changes, he is developing so fast. Rolling, sitting, eating, reaching, grabbing, pulling, screaming, feeding himself, babbling new things, ... the list just goes on and on.
And I think back to the infant I brought home 6 and a half months ago and I know it is not the same baby. Sure that baby had the potential to be the one he is now, but in that moment, that instance, he was different. And so was I.
I was a bright-eyed new mom, I had this perfect ideal of what life would be like with a baby around, and my paradigm was shattered.
So I am in transit constantly. Adjusting to this developing baby who has different needs on a daily basis. Adjusting to myself, who I have rediscovered multiple times in the past 6 months. I'm kind of overwhelmed. And so I stop looking back.
Jackson is 6 and a half months old and in the 90% percentile in both height and weight! 19.8 pounds and 27 1/2 inches! I tell him that he is just gonna have to learn how to walk if he gets much heavier. I never realized just how weak my upper body was!
I am officially finished with this spring semester. As far as I know I finished with a 4.0. Which looking back may well be a miracle (or a sign of some genius I wasn't aware of). I'm relieved for the break but I am also filled with a sense of loss. School is one of those things now that I do for myself. An outlet for me to be something other than "mama" and house cleaner. An opportunity to be a scholar, and better myself. I really liked the routine of it all. What I also know is that my home needs my attention terribly and so I think this is a good transition for now. Besides, I will have all the opportunities I desire to be a scholar come fall semester ; ).
Since I haven't put pictures up for a while I thought I would update. While pictures can't do this hefty cutie justice, it is almost as good.
The three of us enjoying a warm spring day.
He loves being outside and he loves that stroller.
sitting up like a pro (most of the time).
Park day. I finally found the park in Jessamine County. I don't know why I felt as if it had been hiding from me, but I was very excited to find it. Jackson was super amused with the grass and wind... His hat he really didn't dig much : )
Sunny days at Lake Reba. We got to enjoy the company of Kayla and Story.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
1/2 a year?! Really!?
So it is all going very quickly. Jackson is a half of a year old today! That blows my mind. He has eaten peas, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, green beans, avocado, banana pudding (Thanks Mamaw), and Chicken gravy (Everyone got some for its curative properties). He has begun to entertain the thought of sleeping through the night... Just entertaining it though... some nights aren't so great.. But we are surviving. That's what parents do. Right?!
I don't really know about his growth (Just made his sixth month appointment today) except that he is BIG! Not too big, still wearing some 3-6, 6 mo. and 9 mo. but he is so long.
He is now rolling over, he has grown his first tooth! I mean these kids just grow so fast.
I write all of this and wonder: who cares what my baby is up to? And then I realize, I DO, I want to remember it. And then it is all worth it. That and there are so many mothers out there in the world.. I feel like it is a lonely positions sometimes. Feeling like no one really understands your daily struggles. But the truth is that a great majority really understand it all... From different perspectives of course. but that is what makes it all so interesting.
I had some drinks with some friends this evening. One I see quite often and one that I wish I saw more... It was so good. To talk, to listen, to just be girls. Not necessarily mothers, or students ( although our children and school were topics of conversations) but dirty, rotten girls. I saw today that they are both far more important to me than I realized. It was enlightening.
And from that I realize that we are all just walking around with these multiple identities, or personalities if you will. We are more than you see with the naked, untrained eye. We are all moving through on this mission of life, Discovering more each day. And we grow. We are better for that growth, I believe.
I don't really know about his growth (Just made his sixth month appointment today) except that he is BIG! Not too big, still wearing some 3-6, 6 mo. and 9 mo. but he is so long.
He is now rolling over, he has grown his first tooth! I mean these kids just grow so fast.
I write all of this and wonder: who cares what my baby is up to? And then I realize, I DO, I want to remember it. And then it is all worth it. That and there are so many mothers out there in the world.. I feel like it is a lonely positions sometimes. Feeling like no one really understands your daily struggles. But the truth is that a great majority really understand it all... From different perspectives of course. but that is what makes it all so interesting.
I had some drinks with some friends this evening. One I see quite often and one that I wish I saw more... It was so good. To talk, to listen, to just be girls. Not necessarily mothers, or students ( although our children and school were topics of conversations) but dirty, rotten girls. I saw today that they are both far more important to me than I realized. It was enlightening.
And from that I realize that we are all just walking around with these multiple identities, or personalities if you will. We are more than you see with the naked, untrained eye. We are all moving through on this mission of life, Discovering more each day. And we grow. We are better for that growth, I believe.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Random Stream of Consciousness... Grammar Considered.
-Before I was a mother I would've never dreamed about blogging. I didn't feel like I had much to say. I guess my life is no more interesting than most. But I have always had these insights, Of course there are more of them and in a broader range now that I am a momma. Either way I find that oftentimes it is reading the words of someone being so bluntly honest, open, and pouring their heart out that truly inspires me. A piece of what they say I might relate to and in that moment I know I am not the only one. I appreciate the willingness to do that. I think not only do we free ourselves in speaking or writing our words out loud but we also have the chance to free others.
-I used to see myself as a depressed individual. That was the way it was and there was nothing I could do about it. I found comfort in my dismal outlook and the numbness that the medication provided. It is as if a change had occurred somewhere in the past year and I hadn't really realized it until lately. I look in the mirror and see someone who is full of life. I am bright and happy, I love the grimace that has turned into a true smile. Sure, some days are hard but I can step out of my body and see myself going down this path in search of truths, and happiness, pursuing a deeper understanding for the journey of inner and personal peace.
- I am a mother. I had no intentions of becoming a Momma so soon. In fact I had some sort of gut feeling that I couldn't have children. Maybe lots of people doubt their fertility. Either way My world has been turned upside down. It is not the way that I had imagined it would be at all. I won't always feel like this is a true statement, but in a healthy frame of mind I realize that my life has turned out far better than I could've imagined. I hold this growing boy everyday and he reaches out to me and smiles. He laughs and babbles, he holds his head high. He cries when he is hungry or tired. Sometime he cries because he is bored. And through all the dirty diapers and stumbles through the dark to the side of his crib, I know that I love that boy in ways I couldn't have loved before. Becoming a mother is scarily empowering. It has pushed me to places that I never wanted to go, and yet I am stronger for it.
- It has taken me a long time to get to know myself. A small town bred outward conformity in me, but within I was crying for freedom, to be who I needed to be to express the nature loving, eccentric individual who danced in the corner of my mind begging for her chance on the stage. I am getting there. I get to know her a little more everyday, and boy do I love her. I would go so far as to say that I am in love with her. I want her to spread her wings, I want her to soar, I want her to know that I have found her a safe place to call home.
- Dave is a part of me. I once would've said that he is the better part of me, but I now realize that he is the complimentary part of me. I have him to thank for so much; Our sweet, gorgeous boy, the support, encouragement, and space to find myself and balance this new life. I really could not do any of this without him... nor would I want to.
- I think all of these things as I drive to and from school... I find solace in the quiet as I completely allow myself to dive into my inner thoughts, and I just needed to share them.
-I used to see myself as a depressed individual. That was the way it was and there was nothing I could do about it. I found comfort in my dismal outlook and the numbness that the medication provided. It is as if a change had occurred somewhere in the past year and I hadn't really realized it until lately. I look in the mirror and see someone who is full of life. I am bright and happy, I love the grimace that has turned into a true smile. Sure, some days are hard but I can step out of my body and see myself going down this path in search of truths, and happiness, pursuing a deeper understanding for the journey of inner and personal peace.
- I am a mother. I had no intentions of becoming a Momma so soon. In fact I had some sort of gut feeling that I couldn't have children. Maybe lots of people doubt their fertility. Either way My world has been turned upside down. It is not the way that I had imagined it would be at all. I won't always feel like this is a true statement, but in a healthy frame of mind I realize that my life has turned out far better than I could've imagined. I hold this growing boy everyday and he reaches out to me and smiles. He laughs and babbles, he holds his head high. He cries when he is hungry or tired. Sometime he cries because he is bored. And through all the dirty diapers and stumbles through the dark to the side of his crib, I know that I love that boy in ways I couldn't have loved before. Becoming a mother is scarily empowering. It has pushed me to places that I never wanted to go, and yet I am stronger for it.
- It has taken me a long time to get to know myself. A small town bred outward conformity in me, but within I was crying for freedom, to be who I needed to be to express the nature loving, eccentric individual who danced in the corner of my mind begging for her chance on the stage. I am getting there. I get to know her a little more everyday, and boy do I love her. I would go so far as to say that I am in love with her. I want her to spread her wings, I want her to soar, I want her to know that I have found her a safe place to call home.
- Dave is a part of me. I once would've said that he is the better part of me, but I now realize that he is the complimentary part of me. I have him to thank for so much; Our sweet, gorgeous boy, the support, encouragement, and space to find myself and balance this new life. I really could not do any of this without him... nor would I want to.
- I think all of these things as I drive to and from school... I find solace in the quiet as I completely allow myself to dive into my inner thoughts, and I just needed to share them.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
SQUASH!
I pictured this spring break to be a relaxed sort of boring event, in which I spent my day trying to come up with things to do to keep myself occupied. Much to my surprise when I look around the house I realize that there are tons of things that need to be done and Spring break is half Over! I know sorta disheartening, but I'm not gonna sweat it. I will say that one project that I want to at least get started is an outdoor play area for Jackson... a safe area that is fenced in where he can go wild and I won't have to worry about him (too much). I have a vision of it and I can't wait to get started. If it would only clear up a little out there... Jeez.
Okay so Dave and I started it out with a trip to Tennessee last Friday.. We came home Sunday Evening and poor Dave had a sore throat. We truly enjoyed ourselves in spite of the sudden illness. We rented a little cabin, I became obsessed with the hot tub... sneaking myself out to it every chance I got..., cooked breakfast and dinner everyday, Found an Awesome Cast Iron Wok!, and spent some great quality time together. It was a much needed getaway for a Momma and Poppa, I think it is important to reconnect and that's just what we did. I must say that that touristy aspect of Tennessee is really too much for me to handle. All the signs and lights clutter the place if you ask me.
When we got back I decided it was time to start Jackson on Veggies. So I cooked some butter nut squash, pureed it, froze the extra and fed him his first vegetable ever.
But first he had to knock over the spatulas and pick out a nice silicon one to grab and shake around violently.
Then to the other side.
Kinda worried about it. "Momma, what am I to do with this stuff anyway?!"
Too many distractors in the bumbo so we moved the feeding operation to the bouncer, but then the camera was far to interesting to worry much about food.
"Look Momma, I have the cord!!"
He was very proud of himself when he grabbed the spoon out of the bowl and managed to hit himself in the face with it.
Overall it was a very good experience for the both of us. And we have continued feeding it to him. Next week I believe the new food will be sweet potatoes. I have a feeling he will like that very much.
I can't really describe how good it makes me feel to fix him vegetables myself, from real, fresh produce, knowing that there are no preservatives or other junk in it. I guess it replaces that desire to breastfeed and the overall un-success of it (although i did feed him for the entire first month solely from my breasts, and it nearly killed me, mentally and emotionally). I'm proud of myself, and I was surprised at how easy it was to make and how many servings it did make for him.
Okay so Dave and I started it out with a trip to Tennessee last Friday.. We came home Sunday Evening and poor Dave had a sore throat. We truly enjoyed ourselves in spite of the sudden illness. We rented a little cabin, I became obsessed with the hot tub... sneaking myself out to it every chance I got..., cooked breakfast and dinner everyday, Found an Awesome Cast Iron Wok!, and spent some great quality time together. It was a much needed getaway for a Momma and Poppa, I think it is important to reconnect and that's just what we did. I must say that that touristy aspect of Tennessee is really too much for me to handle. All the signs and lights clutter the place if you ask me.
When we got back I decided it was time to start Jackson on Veggies. So I cooked some butter nut squash, pureed it, froze the extra and fed him his first vegetable ever.
But first he had to knock over the spatulas and pick out a nice silicon one to grab and shake around violently.
Then to the other side.
Kinda worried about it. "Momma, what am I to do with this stuff anyway?!"
Too many distractors in the bumbo so we moved the feeding operation to the bouncer, but then the camera was far to interesting to worry much about food.
"Look Momma, I have the cord!!"
He was very proud of himself when he grabbed the spoon out of the bowl and managed to hit himself in the face with it.
Overall it was a very good experience for the both of us. And we have continued feeding it to him. Next week I believe the new food will be sweet potatoes. I have a feeling he will like that very much.
I can't really describe how good it makes me feel to fix him vegetables myself, from real, fresh produce, knowing that there are no preservatives or other junk in it. I guess it replaces that desire to breastfeed and the overall un-success of it (although i did feed him for the entire first month solely from my breasts, and it nearly killed me, mentally and emotionally). I'm proud of myself, and I was surprised at how easy it was to make and how many servings it did make for him.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Squealer!
While the title really says it all I must describe this new favorite past time of Jackson's. He squeals. And he loves it too. As high pitched a squeal as he can muster is his favorite. He does this not out of frustration, anger, or hunger, but for the shear joy of being a sweet baby boy. I suppose he likes to hear his voice make new noises and is just trying them all out... Oh yes, and his favorite time to do this? In the evening usually, when Daddy gets home. It makes Daddy smile extra big after a long day of work, and of course Jackson is all about pleasing us... ; ).
He squeals mostly at his jittery Pal, Mr. Duck, who hangs on his bouncer, as if to say " Mr. Duck, hey dude what's up? Why don't we tell each other stories? Say something Mr. Duck!!!" But the Damn duck never does... But Jackson Daniel doesn't care... He talks to him anyway.
And so I am reminded of this aspect of childhood. Doing things for the shear joy of doing them. Not because you necessarily want to be rewarded or expect to gain anything from doing so, but because it just makes you feel good inside.
Thank you Jackson. For reminding me, nearly every day, of the sweet bliss of your current state of mind. I know you will grow up someday and have problems arise, you won't have the cool jeans, or some stupid girl will break your heart, but for now you are just my sweet boy. And when that time comes I will hold you close, if you will let me, just as I do now. I will get out my sewing machine and make those jeans the coolest and god help any little girl that breaks my boy's heart. Enjoy your life sweet thing. Squeal to the top of your lungs, Smile huge, un-hurting smiles, and hold onto this bliss as long as you can.
He squeals mostly at his jittery Pal, Mr. Duck, who hangs on his bouncer, as if to say " Mr. Duck, hey dude what's up? Why don't we tell each other stories? Say something Mr. Duck!!!" But the Damn duck never does... But Jackson Daniel doesn't care... He talks to him anyway.
And so I am reminded of this aspect of childhood. Doing things for the shear joy of doing them. Not because you necessarily want to be rewarded or expect to gain anything from doing so, but because it just makes you feel good inside.
Thank you Jackson. For reminding me, nearly every day, of the sweet bliss of your current state of mind. I know you will grow up someday and have problems arise, you won't have the cool jeans, or some stupid girl will break your heart, but for now you are just my sweet boy. And when that time comes I will hold you close, if you will let me, just as I do now. I will get out my sewing machine and make those jeans the coolest and god help any little girl that breaks my boy's heart. Enjoy your life sweet thing. Squeal to the top of your lungs, Smile huge, un-hurting smiles, and hold onto this bliss as long as you can.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
4 Months Old and Growing Fast
Jackson Daniel is now a little over 4 months old. From his wellness check we learned that he is 15 and 1/2 pounds, (60th percentile), 25 and 1/4 inches in length, that's over 2 feet (90th percentile), and I believe a whopping 44 1/4 inches in head circumference (90th percentile). They also told me I could start him on some solids, which I thought was supposed to come with the 6th month mark... I did however try some rice cereal with him and he has taken to it quite well.. We are going to stay on that for a while, maybe next month we will try some veggies. He's doing great developmentally: Rolling from side to side, very social, smiling, giggling, babbling like it is his job. Of course after they tell me how perfect he is and what I good job I am doing I hear two of the doctors outside my door saying things to the effect of "That's just stupid, She is a young mother, What can you expect" in reference to us not getting Jackson vaccinated. Yes, I am young, but Stupid is something that I am definitely not. And I don't believe the two always go as a pair. My favorite is how they can say these things and then re-enter my room with smiley un-accusing faces. People can make their judgments, but at the end of the day I am his mother and he is my child and my decisions will be upheld come hell or high water.
Okay. I feel better. : )
Truly, he is growing faster than I could've expected. He is now wearing anything from 3-6 to 6-9 months in clothes and a pair of his 12 month shoes fit. He cries less and smiles more as the days go by and I must say this is to my delight. I now understand why some people don't want to sit next to babies in a restaurant. Fear that they will cry. I hate to say it, but I think we still have some post traumatic stress from the first few months of that seemingly endless crying. I'm sure those memories fade as they are replaced with laughter and words. I am truly blessed,or lucky, however you want to define what happens when life turns out so sweet.
Outside in his bear outfit (A hand-me-down from Kayla and Story) Poor winter baby, He is going to love the summer so much!
Pictures in the morning light are my favorite, and Jackson is so compliant at this time in the day.
Our lil Jack Daniel (a baby shower gift from Kayla) It's going to be sad when he grows out of it : S
Okay. I feel better. : )
Truly, he is growing faster than I could've expected. He is now wearing anything from 3-6 to 6-9 months in clothes and a pair of his 12 month shoes fit. He cries less and smiles more as the days go by and I must say this is to my delight. I now understand why some people don't want to sit next to babies in a restaurant. Fear that they will cry. I hate to say it, but I think we still have some post traumatic stress from the first few months of that seemingly endless crying. I'm sure those memories fade as they are replaced with laughter and words. I am truly blessed,or lucky, however you want to define what happens when life turns out so sweet.
Outside in his bear outfit (A hand-me-down from Kayla and Story) Poor winter baby, He is going to love the summer so much!
Pictures in the morning light are my favorite, and Jackson is so compliant at this time in the day.
Our lil Jack Daniel (a baby shower gift from Kayla) It's going to be sad when he grows out of it : S
Friday, January 29, 2010
And the Beat Goes On and On.
Jackson Daniel keeps growing. He keeps growing while I'm away at school, while I study, while I'm trying to figure out who and where I am in this big, wide world. My parents watch him Monday night so that I can go to lab and when he comes back on Tuesday evening he is often a different baby altogether, making new noises and faces. But that is what babies do. They grow and change and develop in spite of everything else going on around them. And I'm glad for it.
Jackson is 3 months old now going on four months. He really is becoming such a little sweet boy. He laughs, coos, dances (with my help, reggae is his favorite), and he's gaining control of his hands. He now grabs and reaches for things, his little soft babies, my hair, or a necklace, if it's in his way. He wants to talk badly, I know it. He tries very hard and it's the cutest thing to listen to him talk to his "jittery pals" that hang on his bouncer and car seat. He is wearing 3-6 month clothes mostly now and eats 5 ounces every 3-4 hours. He likes his schedules and I do too!
I can't believe what a big part of our lives this little boy is. When he is gone visiting with a grandparent there is an emptiness in the house, maybe it's just the quiet but either way there is a sort of loneliness in it.
Jackson is 3 months old now going on four months. He really is becoming such a little sweet boy. He laughs, coos, dances (with my help, reggae is his favorite), and he's gaining control of his hands. He now grabs and reaches for things, his little soft babies, my hair, or a necklace, if it's in his way. He wants to talk badly, I know it. He tries very hard and it's the cutest thing to listen to him talk to his "jittery pals" that hang on his bouncer and car seat. He is wearing 3-6 month clothes mostly now and eats 5 ounces every 3-4 hours. He likes his schedules and I do too!
I can't believe what a big part of our lives this little boy is. When he is gone visiting with a grandparent there is an emptiness in the house, maybe it's just the quiet but either way there is a sort of loneliness in it.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Let's Back up to Christmas...
Okay. So Christmas was super duper busy and since I just recently found my camera cord I think it's time to blog about Jackson's very first Christmas.
Jackson got a Play mat from his Aunt Jessica and Uncle Jeff that offers him endless entertainment. It really is awesome with lights, music, and nature sounds he can get absorbed by it for up to an hour.
(We love it just as much as he does : )
Christmas day offered just as much excitement. We visited with Jackson's Pappy Dan and Kathy. Although he wasn't very interested in "opening" gifts he certainly liked to be entertained with them.
And of course after a delicious dinner of Turkey and the works (for us, formula for Jackson, poor baby) he was so ready for a nap on Kathy's shoulder.
From there it was off to Jackson County for more Christmas Fun.
There Jackson talked boy-talk with Great Grand Pap,
Entertained the Ladies,
And we got to open all his presents.
Of course we had to take some pictures around the Christmas tree!
I love my boys so.
We spent the night at Mamaw and Papaw McQueen's house and then the next day Dave and I went Skiing!
This was my first time. I fell twice on the bunny hill before we decided to move on to the slopes. I could feel the fear pulsing through me as the lift took us higher and higher. Oh My! What exhilaration! Oh yes I fell. I fell lots and lots. Head first down the hill but it was amazing.
And by the end of the night I was a real pro. And the whiplash wasn't anything that couldn't be fixed by the Chiropractor two days later. ; )
We had a wonderful Christmas and I felt so blessed to have my two healthy, beautiful boys to share it with.
Jackson got a Play mat from his Aunt Jessica and Uncle Jeff that offers him endless entertainment. It really is awesome with lights, music, and nature sounds he can get absorbed by it for up to an hour.
(We love it just as much as he does : )
Christmas day offered just as much excitement. We visited with Jackson's Pappy Dan and Kathy. Although he wasn't very interested in "opening" gifts he certainly liked to be entertained with them.
And of course after a delicious dinner of Turkey and the works (for us, formula for Jackson, poor baby) he was so ready for a nap on Kathy's shoulder.
From there it was off to Jackson County for more Christmas Fun.
There Jackson talked boy-talk with Great Grand Pap,
Entertained the Ladies,
And we got to open all his presents.
Of course we had to take some pictures around the Christmas tree!
I love my boys so.
We spent the night at Mamaw and Papaw McQueen's house and then the next day Dave and I went Skiing!
This was my first time. I fell twice on the bunny hill before we decided to move on to the slopes. I could feel the fear pulsing through me as the lift took us higher and higher. Oh My! What exhilaration! Oh yes I fell. I fell lots and lots. Head first down the hill but it was amazing.
And by the end of the night I was a real pro. And the whiplash wasn't anything that couldn't be fixed by the Chiropractor two days later. ; )
We had a wonderful Christmas and I felt so blessed to have my two healthy, beautiful boys to share it with.