Apparently there is a salt shortage on the University of Kentucky seeing as how they have resorted to scraping most of the sidewalks and there is an absolute absence of salt on them. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I wore snow boots, but for the sake of my rear side I wear the Shape up shoes that promise to shape, tone, and tighten your legs and butt without ever entering the gym (I don't know about all that, but my feet feel amazing in them and I am officially hooked!)
When I fell on the ice patch that the scraper missed all I could think was, "Damn it! I wish I had whatever extra padding I had back there before I became a workout nut!" (And Yes I still think exercise/health enthusiasts are nutty, even if I did join the club).
Right on my butt at a busy four way stop in front of the campus library. Some poor girl behind me rushed up to ask if I was "okay". " It is only my pride," I responded as I shooed her on with my hands... and that is the official way that my scholastic day began.
Joyful. And it was in the fact that I did not sit down and cry as I might have a year ago when the world seemed so heavy it was hard to push air into my lungs. It is in those moments, when I am embarrassed, when I sit with an exam in front of me that I did not have time to study for, and I just smile and think it's okay, I'll do better tomorrow, and if I don't, well...that's okay too. Those are the moments that remind me that I am better, that I am stronger, that peace, hope, and good things can all be mine if I embrace them.
And maybe I just have mood swings.... I mean the next post could be 5 minutes in the future and I could be spouting out enough negativity to disturb just about anyone, but of course I would have an apology ready and that is the beauty of human error, there is beauty in that imperfection.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Just a Quickie...
I have been away for a few days, Skiing at WinterPlace in West Virginia. It was an amazing getaway for Dave and I, unfortunately now I must catch up with school and the like.
(Sigh). It is pouring the snow. We are touring Chrisman Mill Winery today at noon for a possible wedding location. I'm sure it will look better covered in snow than the winter mud that would've been there otherwise.
I will catch up soon, Til then, may we all stay warm and dry as we wait out this endless winter.
(Sigh). It is pouring the snow. We are touring Chrisman Mill Winery today at noon for a possible wedding location. I'm sure it will look better covered in snow than the winter mud that would've been there otherwise.
I will catch up soon, Til then, may we all stay warm and dry as we wait out this endless winter.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Family Photos (Another Picture Post)
On October 20th 2010, Jackson 1st Birthday, we had family photos taken.
The Location was on the farm that we had planned to have the wedding before I was overwhelmed with all the renting and setup that would take place before it could actually happen there.
Jackson was quite the poser in this blue rocking chair that once belonged to my brother, then me, now Jack. (It was probably someone's before that, but I don't know the story, I should really ask my mother).
This was the Family photo that I chose for our biggest enlargement, Jackson just giving in to our hugs is still one of my favorite times with him.
Our photographers were also awesome enough to shoot some engagement photos too for Dave and I. These ladies definitely had a way of capturing our magic, especially after we warmed up to the camera a bit.
Don't take my word for it though... Check them out at http://www.firstcomeslovephotography.org/
The Location was on the farm that we had planned to have the wedding before I was overwhelmed with all the renting and setup that would take place before it could actually happen there.
Jackson was quite the poser in this blue rocking chair that once belonged to my brother, then me, now Jack. (It was probably someone's before that, but I don't know the story, I should really ask my mother).
This was the Family photo that I chose for our biggest enlargement, Jackson just giving in to our hugs is still one of my favorite times with him.
Our photographers were also awesome enough to shoot some engagement photos too for Dave and I. These ladies definitely had a way of capturing our magic, especially after we warmed up to the camera a bit.
Don't take my word for it though... Check them out at http://www.firstcomeslovephotography.org/
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Picture(s) of the Day
Sometimes stories are better told through pictures. Even Jackson will tell you that!! This one speaks of the goodness of cooking dinner with Momma and Dad and of getting chocolate pudding just because you are an extra sweet little boy (And because it is the "good" kind with lots of vitamin A and D : ) Momma is sneakier than you know : ).
Not from today but a few nights ago. A bird we killed and cleaned ourselves. Ready to be roasted with onion, garlic, butter, and spice galore drizzles on it.... A very tasty chicken, indeed!
I worked today at the Cracker Barrel (As I do every Sunday, it is beneficial to work with the public from time to time and the extra cash is nice.) and so my boys were let to fend for themselves. I found this picture on my camera when I came home. It literally melted my heart. Jackson has the best father.
And then this really says it all... "Slow Down" you will see in the background (if you look really hard) and that is exactly what I did as I sat and played with my boy taking a series of photographs and reading his favorite stories. He has been picked up by his grandparents for a few days so that I can study tomorrow and go to school on Tuesday. I have been spoiled by his presence over this break. Even when he screams at me, even when he screams at the world, I love this little guy. He reminds me that I need to Slow Down.Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Way I See It.
You are winning the war of parenthood if you aren't sitting in the corner crying - Dave.
I'm not going to read into that. - Me. Smiling.
I'm not going to read into that. - Me. Smiling.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The storms.
I feel them swirling in my mind. They take every peaceful and tranquil thought and rips it from its roots, turns it upside down, and makes it so negative and hurtful that I feel the urge to bang my head against something until it somehow rights itself.
"It's just one of those days". I don't want to hear that any longer, although I do appreciate the attempts. I just want this day to be less of a struggle than the day before. I just want to not struggle every damn day to convince myself that life is "okay."
Peace, I am searching for you. I am tired, please meet me halfway.
"It's just one of those days". I don't want to hear that any longer, although I do appreciate the attempts. I just want this day to be less of a struggle than the day before. I just want to not struggle every damn day to convince myself that life is "okay."
Peace, I am searching for you. I am tired, please meet me halfway.
Monday, January 10, 2011
A chicken's time.
We killed our first chickens yesterday. It was not Dave's first killing, but for me... a first.
We ordered the meat and egg combo expecting mostly roosters and some good laying hens. While chicken killing wasn't necessarily on the top of my "to-do list" I do like the idea of being able to provide meat for my family in the event that I NEED to. What we did not expect is that we would get ALL hens and that the meat birds would be sooo terribly large. There were 2 of them that were particularly pathetic. They could barely get to the roost, moving in general seemed to be such a pain and so we decided that it was their "time", which would've been much earlier had they been roosters.
I was surprised by how clean and quiet the whole process was. They had been put up for the entire day and had no protest to being strung up by their feet when the time came. We opted to skin them instead of plucking and the cleaning was far less "gross" than I had imagined as well. Revealing those huge, beautiful, fresh, chicken breasts was amazing. Like something I would buy at Kroger, but 100x better. I had fed them, put them up at night, let them out in the morning, carried them water when theirs had frozen, they are our chickens and they provided us with a very nutritious dinner, their way of giving back.
Last night was chicken roast. Tonight is chicken gumbo. We still have an entire chicken resting in the fridge. All of that equals lots of money in the long run and the taste of these chickens are far superior to any I could buy.
I'm trying to convince myself. Can you hear it?
Jackson is staying here all week in Nicholasville. After this week he will be back to the school routine of staying with g,randparents for 3-4 days out of the week and honestly it kills me. Since I am being honest: At first it wasn't so bad (he was a screaming, "difficult", infant at first and it seemed as if we could do nothing right by him) but now I really "like" my child. I always loved him, he was mine and so I felt I had to, but now I really do. He is far more reasonable and works with us towards common goals... much better. I know in the beginning it was all a pain for him too which is why he cried so much and still.... My poor "new momma" brain had such a hard time with it all.
Picture time: Because I am feeling up to it-->
Jackson in his great mamaw's cabinets eating a biscuit from breakfast. They watch him during the week when my parents are at work and his great grandparents have gotten so involved and attached... I am convinced that it is the time spent with a child that make them so dear to your heart.
A happy momma and her son enjoying a day of no school, no work, and mostly play....Jackson Daniel is such a joy.
We ordered the meat and egg combo expecting mostly roosters and some good laying hens. While chicken killing wasn't necessarily on the top of my "to-do list" I do like the idea of being able to provide meat for my family in the event that I NEED to. What we did not expect is that we would get ALL hens and that the meat birds would be sooo terribly large. There were 2 of them that were particularly pathetic. They could barely get to the roost, moving in general seemed to be such a pain and so we decided that it was their "time", which would've been much earlier had they been roosters.
I was surprised by how clean and quiet the whole process was. They had been put up for the entire day and had no protest to being strung up by their feet when the time came. We opted to skin them instead of plucking and the cleaning was far less "gross" than I had imagined as well. Revealing those huge, beautiful, fresh, chicken breasts was amazing. Like something I would buy at Kroger, but 100x better. I had fed them, put them up at night, let them out in the morning, carried them water when theirs had frozen, they are our chickens and they provided us with a very nutritious dinner, their way of giving back.
Last night was chicken roast. Tonight is chicken gumbo. We still have an entire chicken resting in the fridge. All of that equals lots of money in the long run and the taste of these chickens are far superior to any I could buy.
I'm trying to convince myself. Can you hear it?
Jackson is staying here all week in Nicholasville. After this week he will be back to the school routine of staying with g,randparents for 3-4 days out of the week and honestly it kills me. Since I am being honest: At first it wasn't so bad (he was a screaming, "difficult", infant at first and it seemed as if we could do nothing right by him) but now I really "like" my child. I always loved him, he was mine and so I felt I had to, but now I really do. He is far more reasonable and works with us towards common goals... much better. I know in the beginning it was all a pain for him too which is why he cried so much and still.... My poor "new momma" brain had such a hard time with it all.
Picture time: Because I am feeling up to it-->
Jackson in his great mamaw's cabinets eating a biscuit from breakfast. They watch him during the week when my parents are at work and his great grandparents have gotten so involved and attached... I am convinced that it is the time spent with a child that make them so dear to your heart.
A happy momma and her son enjoying a day of no school, no work, and mostly play....Jackson Daniel is such a joy.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Almost Over
My scholastic break has, in my opinion, been a success.
Wedding dress --- CHECK
Caught up with Friends --- CHECK
Weened Jack from his bottle --- CHECK
Taken care of bills that the insurance was supposed to pay ---CHECK
Find Peace and Calm on the majority of my days --- (surprisingly) CHECK
(P.S. That is a vastly simplified version of the actual list and disregards all the things that were not accomplished such as "Applying to the Graduate Program" for my sanity and to appear more accomplished.)
And now with the break coming to a screeching halt, I look forward to the up coming semester. When I am home this much I struggle mentally. I need to feel involved and connected with the outside world. It is an Animal need, and when deprived tends to make me a little crazy.
So about this wedding dress:
I literally tried on over 50 dresses this past Tuesday and realized that weddings are gimmicks and are complete insanity. $1500 for a dress?!! I realize that some people will pay 20x that, but those people have money, I do not! My mother went with me and lunch went something like this:
Mom: Amber, I don't get it. This is your wedding dress, don't settle on one because it is cheap. That first one was just perfect!"
Me: The first one cost over 1000 dollars!
Mom: So what!? This is your only wedding!
Me: Yes, you are right it is, and I would rather take that extra money and buy more wine and food with it to ensure that EVERYONE has a great time.
So we made up, finished our drinks, went to the next shop on the list and the first dress I tried on was the one. It was reasonable priced, looked great (despite it needing to be taken in an inch or two), and I knew the moment it slid over my body that this was the dress I was supposed to get married in. God it feels good to have that part of the wedding taken care of, now if the rest could just do itself, that would be great.
Wednesday allowed for some catching up with my friend Kayla, her daughter Story, and Jacob. I was wonderful to see her, School has kept us both under lock and key lately and it appears as if the next semester will be similar. The best part was watching Jack and Story playing together. They are 9 months apart and so cute together. I wish I had taken pictures. At one point we hear Jackson start to cry and look over and they are in Story's princess tent and she has him in a headlock! I laughed so hard while trying to free him but really just wanted to watch him NOT fight back. And then on his way out of the tent Story grabs his waist and takes him down again! It was adorable, and Story has grown and changed so much it makes me sad that I get to see her so little.
Thursday... I don't remember. Must have taken care of bills and weened Jack from his bottle. HA. LOL.
That brings us to the now, which is where I should've been the whole time. Worry comes from past and the future, but the Now, holds nothing but peace or action to return to the peaceful state. today brought an itch to return to something. School, or summer, or bed perhaps, just an itch for a comfortable change. And then I remind myself that all of those things will come back around. It is my job to deal with and enjoy the Now.
That is exactly what I'm gonna do.
Wedding dress --- CHECK
Caught up with Friends --- CHECK
Weened Jack from his bottle --- CHECK
Taken care of bills that the insurance was supposed to pay ---CHECK
Find Peace and Calm on the majority of my days --- (surprisingly) CHECK
(P.S. That is a vastly simplified version of the actual list and disregards all the things that were not accomplished such as "Applying to the Graduate Program" for my sanity and to appear more accomplished.)
And now with the break coming to a screeching halt, I look forward to the up coming semester. When I am home this much I struggle mentally. I need to feel involved and connected with the outside world. It is an Animal need, and when deprived tends to make me a little crazy.
So about this wedding dress:
I literally tried on over 50 dresses this past Tuesday and realized that weddings are gimmicks and are complete insanity. $1500 for a dress?!! I realize that some people will pay 20x that, but those people have money, I do not! My mother went with me and lunch went something like this:
Mom: Amber, I don't get it. This is your wedding dress, don't settle on one because it is cheap. That first one was just perfect!"
Me: The first one cost over 1000 dollars!
Mom: So what!? This is your only wedding!
Me: Yes, you are right it is, and I would rather take that extra money and buy more wine and food with it to ensure that EVERYONE has a great time.
So we made up, finished our drinks, went to the next shop on the list and the first dress I tried on was the one. It was reasonable priced, looked great (despite it needing to be taken in an inch or two), and I knew the moment it slid over my body that this was the dress I was supposed to get married in. God it feels good to have that part of the wedding taken care of, now if the rest could just do itself, that would be great.
Wednesday allowed for some catching up with my friend Kayla, her daughter Story, and Jacob. I was wonderful to see her, School has kept us both under lock and key lately and it appears as if the next semester will be similar. The best part was watching Jack and Story playing together. They are 9 months apart and so cute together. I wish I had taken pictures. At one point we hear Jackson start to cry and look over and they are in Story's princess tent and she has him in a headlock! I laughed so hard while trying to free him but really just wanted to watch him NOT fight back. And then on his way out of the tent Story grabs his waist and takes him down again! It was adorable, and Story has grown and changed so much it makes me sad that I get to see her so little.
Thursday... I don't remember. Must have taken care of bills and weened Jack from his bottle. HA. LOL.
That brings us to the now, which is where I should've been the whole time. Worry comes from past and the future, but the Now, holds nothing but peace or action to return to the peaceful state. today brought an itch to return to something. School, or summer, or bed perhaps, just an itch for a comfortable change. And then I remind myself that all of those things will come back around. It is my job to deal with and enjoy the Now.
That is exactly what I'm gonna do.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
A good Trade.
My dishes are washed and his hair is cut.
As much as I will miss those luscious locks, I know they will return in due time.
And I found a wedding dress..... More on that later : )
As much as I will miss those luscious locks, I know they will return in due time.
And I found a wedding dress..... More on that later : )
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I woke with a song in my heart.
And you know when that happens that you have started a new year just as it was meant to be started.
Thursday night we spent a beautiful evening with a lovely couple that just lived and breathed love for one another. Although they had known one another from childhood their lover status is relatively new and refreshing to see in a world where romance often seems to be dead. Retelling the story of how Dave and I met was equaling healing. Over the course of a pregnancy and a 14 month old it is easy to forget all of the amazing circumstances that brought you together. From personal ads on the internet to 13 hour talks on your first date (on which Dave was a perfect gentleman, although all evidence points elsewhere) I just knew then that all of the pain that comes with giving your heart, opening it wide and letting some else in, would be totally worth it with this man. That, if we chose to, we could have a life filled with so much love and joy in light of both commonalities and differences. And then I realized that what I knew then has become my reality, I just needed to step back to see it. And of course homemade pizzas for all to share were incredible as well.
To top off the ending of 2010 Dave and I rang in the new year with more family and friends. Our night swirled with Lemon Drops and "gourmet" pizza. And we laughed and smiled and I looked around me and felt warm and fuzzy and decided that even if it was only the intoxicating effects of all of the alcohol coursing through my veins that this was perf
ect.
Laughter - Caught on Camera
Peggy and Jeff
Family - Neighbors - Friends
Understand that we are not typically the night owls - so by 12:00 We felt exactly as tired as we look here.
I didn't write resolutions this year but if I had've it would've been something about finding good in all people, patience in my heart, and seeking positivity and light each and every day. You see, I am not always as positive and cheery as I am at this moment. I struggle and battle daily, moment to moment, with my negatively wired mind. I refuse to let it bring me down. I know that if I break the downward cycle of negativity enough that my brain will heal itself and I can enjoy more moments, more days exactly like this one.
Jackson is home, taking an afternoon nap. He was with Pappy Dan and Mimi for the new year's eve and I know he had a splendid time. His tantrums are getting shorter, my ignoring them worked exceptionally well as he has already realized that breaking down has absolutely no effect on his hardened momma.
Oh my sweet boy, the fun we will have when he wakes.
and the song...It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion, I remember belting it out when I was 6 years old or so. It meant nothing to me then, except for feeling so good, so powerful to sing. And that is exactly what it did for me this morning.
Happy New Year to all.
Thursday night we spent a beautiful evening with a lovely couple that just lived and breathed love for one another. Although they had known one another from childhood their lover status is relatively new and refreshing to see in a world where romance often seems to be dead. Retelling the story of how Dave and I met was equaling healing. Over the course of a pregnancy and a 14 month old it is easy to forget all of the amazing circumstances that brought you together. From personal ads on the internet to 13 hour talks on your first date (on which Dave was a perfect gentleman, although all evidence points elsewhere) I just knew then that all of the pain that comes with giving your heart, opening it wide and letting some else in, would be totally worth it with this man. That, if we chose to, we could have a life filled with so much love and joy in light of both commonalities and differences. And then I realized that what I knew then has become my reality, I just needed to step back to see it. And of course homemade pizzas for all to share were incredible as well.
To top off the ending of 2010 Dave and I rang in the new year with more family and friends. Our night swirled with Lemon Drops and "gourmet" pizza. And we laughed and smiled and I looked around me and felt warm and fuzzy and decided that even if it was only the intoxicating effects of all of the alcohol coursing through my veins that this was perf
ect.Laughter - Caught on Camera
Peggy and Jeff
Family - Neighbors - Friends
Understand that we are not typically the night owls - so by 12:00 We felt exactly as tired as we look here.
I didn't write resolutions this year but if I had've it would've been something about finding good in all people, patience in my heart, and seeking positivity and light each and every day. You see, I am not always as positive and cheery as I am at this moment. I struggle and battle daily, moment to moment, with my negatively wired mind. I refuse to let it bring me down. I know that if I break the downward cycle of negativity enough that my brain will heal itself and I can enjoy more moments, more days exactly like this one.
Jackson is home, taking an afternoon nap. He was with Pappy Dan and Mimi for the new year's eve and I know he had a splendid time. His tantrums are getting shorter, my ignoring them worked exceptionally well as he has already realized that breaking down has absolutely no effect on his hardened momma.
Oh my sweet boy, the fun we will have when he wakes.
and the song...It's All Coming Back to Me Now - Celine Dion, I remember belting it out when I was 6 years old or so. It meant nothing to me then, except for feeling so good, so powerful to sing. And that is exactly what it did for me this morning.
Happy New Year to all.