I'M BACK.

Okay, I am a UK graduate! Good for me, I know, I didn't go to commencement, I simply did not feel like sitting through all that. Instead I planned our wedding shower for that weekend to keep
mom and dad happily busy and distracted.
THIS is what we did that graduation weekend:

On Saturday: we were showered with gifts and love. This shoe rack I am opening here is amazing and EXTEND-ABLE! I will report the total shoe hold-age when I get all my shoes on it. And yes that is a pinata, I have been looking for an occasion for one of these for a while, unfortunately I forgot the candy to fill it with. It will wait until Jack's 2nd Birthday I suppose.














On Sunday: We went to the Red River Gorge. It was a wonderful Mother's Day treat to get out into the great outdoors. And as always we found some really cool cliff areas.

For the past month or so I had ceased to blog. Between wedding planning, raising a boy, and school I felt like I was doing good to get the laundry done. Good news though! All that focusing on school TOTALLY paid off. I graduated with a 3.94 cumulative GPA and a 4.0 for the semester.
Forgive me for bragging, but I suppose it is necessary to pat yourself on the back every now and then.

Now that I am out of school everyone seems to want to know what I am "going to do." Come on people, you have been asking me this question since I was old enough to talk and dream of a future. My answer has changed though. I no longer desire to be a country music singer, a lawyer, or a doctor. The Truth is that I don't really know what I am "going to do". For the next week and a half I am a wedding planner. After that it is my job to have as much fun as possible on our honeymoon in Switzerland. From there I suppose I will be a part-time job seeker, gardener, and full time stay-at-home momma (Which kinda works out as Jackson could totally be ready for potty training). If anyone knows of any ways to make money from home I am completely open for suggestions.

One thing I am sure of now is that I do not want to go to graduate school. I applied to the College of Social Work to pursue a master's., but now I am quite sure that I want to give no money to any institution on the mere basis of HOPING to get a job at the end of it all. I will find what it is out there I am supposed to do. Perhaps it will even bring me back to graduate school at some point in my life, but for now I feel the strongest urge to just be open, to just create enough room to allow for absolutely anything to happen. The very thought of that openness is overwhelming in a truly awesome way.

I'm only a partial idealist. This creation of space to grow could go either way financially for me, that's why it is always good to have a garden and a few animals to fall back on; at least I know there will always be something to eat.

In the meantime my parents are coming around to the idea that I might not follow in their footsteps in getting a masters degree, Hell I guess they are getting used to the idea that I won't be a doctor (they had some pretty high expectations that I fed for many years).

I'm back. That is where I stand today. Let's see where life is going to take us tomorrow.

A "Personality"

At some point in time I looked at my little baby and realized he was a person. Okay maybe a "personality" is another way to describe it.
The first year was him needing me for every single thing. One might say it is the way a mother and her child bond, this is true to some extent I think. And now he turns his light on when he wants to play in his play area and off when he is done; he opens the fridge and brings me the milk when he wants it; he grabs his coat and tries to put on his boots when he wants to go outside; he falls asleep on the couch with the dog when he is tired and does not require rocking or a bottle to do so; He is a Personality, with likes, dislikes, and a fairly well-rounded view of his world at this point.

As a new mother I suppose every single stage they go through feels as if it will last forever; I think that is the hardest part. When he spit up half of everything he ate for the first 6 months I thought that would last forever. When he cried half the night in pain with teething I thought that would last forever too. I thought he would always need to be carried from place to place and then he learned how to crawl, then he learned to walk, then to run, and now I can barely keep up! I thought wrong, Infants grow into independent, self-feeding, dancing toddlers, and I sure do love mine.

I am in constant amazement of this whole motherhood thing. I will be the first to tell you that I felt completely unprepared at first. I was shaking scared and everyone just looked at me smiling as if I should have it all figured out. I still don't have myself figured out, Why would it make sense that I would understand something I had never done before?! Now I realize that we all learn these things through time and experience. Nobody can tell you how it is going to be, mostly because you aren't willing to listen, you are too busy holding onto ideals that aren't that special anyway, at least that is my story.

So, kudos to the kids for growing and opening their minds to a new adventure and lesson every single day, I for one am taking a few lessons from them on that aspect of life.

Red River Gorge

We went to the Red River Gorge today. It was perfectly beautiful.... I needed it. To step outside of my small world; Just to step outside, period, was amazing. It was sixty, the sun was shining and lying on top of that warm ridge rock made me feel peace in ways I am unaccustomed to.

Recovery is now, "Valentines Day" is tomorrow, and there lie the glorious plans of hiding away at home all day and making glittery cards for one another and rainbow cake ( Thank you Mama Kayla for the idea, Dave bought all the stuff and insist I attempt one :). Picture upload later.

Eat, Exercise, Breathe.

School has consumed me.. BUT my mind is very full of inspiration. My personal growth of late has been immense...Well I suppose my realization of it has been the most important piece of the puzzle.

People, I am happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in... well I guess since I can remember. Not every day is super awesome, but it doesn't matter. My mantra, "This too shall pass" has calmed me, and if that doesn't work I remind myself that there is good in all things. Sometimes you just have to look really hard for the good, or accept that it may not be visible to you.

I never knew how to cope. I never knew how to embrace life for what it was. I knew how to break down and curl up into a ball and expect to be held like a child, and then cry harder when that didn't happen. Those skills got me no where but on a cocktail of medications. And while I do not deny that they have their place and time, I desired another way. I am now active in my mental health; I eat well, exercise, actively focus on the positive and the present. It ain't always easy but to breathe deeply and feel free is worth every ounce of energy drained from me in the process.

I thought I would share this. For some this would seem silly, but my life has been changed. Hell, it is constantly being changed anyway, might as well direct it in a positive direction.

We all Fall Down

Apparently there is a salt shortage on the University of Kentucky seeing as how they have resorted to scraping most of the sidewalks and there is an absolute absence of salt on them. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I wore snow boots, but for the sake of my rear side I wear the Shape up shoes that promise to shape, tone, and tighten your legs and butt without ever entering the gym (I don't know about all that, but my feet feel amazing in them and I am officially hooked!)

When I fell on the ice patch that the scraper missed all I could think was, "Damn it! I wish I had whatever extra padding I had back there before I became a workout nut!" (And Yes I still think exercise/health enthusiasts are nutty, even if I did join the club).

Right on my butt at a busy four way stop in front of the campus library. Some poor girl behind me rushed up to ask if I was "okay". " It is only my pride," I responded as I shooed her on with my hands... and that is the official way that my scholastic day began.

Joyful. And it was in the fact that I did not sit down and cry as I might have a year ago when the world seemed so heavy it was hard to push air into my lungs. It is in those moments, when I am embarrassed, when I sit with an exam in front of me that I did not have time to study for, and I just smile and think it's okay, I'll do better tomorrow, and if I don't, well...that's okay too. Those are the moments that remind me that I am better, that I am stronger, that peace, hope, and good things can all be mine if I embrace them.

And maybe I just have mood swings.... I mean the next post could be 5 minutes in the future and I could be spouting out enough negativity to disturb just about anyone, but of course I would have an apology ready and that is the beauty of human error, there is beauty in that imperfection.

Just a Quickie...

I have been away for a few days, Skiing at WinterPlace in West Virginia. It was an amazing getaway for Dave and I, unfortunately now I must catch up with school and the like.

(Sigh). It is pouring the snow. We are touring Chrisman Mill Winery today at noon for a possible wedding location. I'm sure it will look better covered in snow than the winter mud that would've been there otherwise.

I will catch up soon, Til then, may we all stay warm and dry as we wait out this endless winter.

Family Photos (Another Picture Post)

On October 20th 2010, Jackson 1st Birthday, we had family photos taken.

The Location was on the farm that we had planned to have the wedding before I was overwhelmed with all the renting and setup that would take place before it could actually happen there.

Jackson was quite the poser in this blue rocking chair that once belonged to my brother, then me, now Jack. (It was probably someone's before that, but I don't know the story, I should really ask my mother).



This was the Family photo that I chose for our biggest enlargement, Jackson just giving in to our hugs is still one of my favorite times with him.



Our photographers were also awesome enough to shoot some engagement photos too for Dave and I. These ladies definitely had a way of capturing our magic, especially after we warmed up to the camera a bit.

Don't take my word for it though... Check them out at http://www.firstcomeslovephotography.org/