A "Personality"

At some point in time I looked at my little baby and realized he was a person. Okay maybe a "personality" is another way to describe it.
The first year was him needing me for every single thing. One might say it is the way a mother and her child bond, this is true to some extent I think. And now he turns his light on when he wants to play in his play area and off when he is done; he opens the fridge and brings me the milk when he wants it; he grabs his coat and tries to put on his boots when he wants to go outside; he falls asleep on the couch with the dog when he is tired and does not require rocking or a bottle to do so; He is a Personality, with likes, dislikes, and a fairly well-rounded view of his world at this point.

As a new mother I suppose every single stage they go through feels as if it will last forever; I think that is the hardest part. When he spit up half of everything he ate for the first 6 months I thought that would last forever. When he cried half the night in pain with teething I thought that would last forever too. I thought he would always need to be carried from place to place and then he learned how to crawl, then he learned to walk, then to run, and now I can barely keep up! I thought wrong, Infants grow into independent, self-feeding, dancing toddlers, and I sure do love mine.

I am in constant amazement of this whole motherhood thing. I will be the first to tell you that I felt completely unprepared at first. I was shaking scared and everyone just looked at me smiling as if I should have it all figured out. I still don't have myself figured out, Why would it make sense that I would understand something I had never done before?! Now I realize that we all learn these things through time and experience. Nobody can tell you how it is going to be, mostly because you aren't willing to listen, you are too busy holding onto ideals that aren't that special anyway, at least that is my story.

So, kudos to the kids for growing and opening their minds to a new adventure and lesson every single day, I for one am taking a few lessons from them on that aspect of life.

Red River Gorge

We went to the Red River Gorge today. It was perfectly beautiful.... I needed it. To step outside of my small world; Just to step outside, period, was amazing. It was sixty, the sun was shining and lying on top of that warm ridge rock made me feel peace in ways I am unaccustomed to.

Recovery is now, "Valentines Day" is tomorrow, and there lie the glorious plans of hiding away at home all day and making glittery cards for one another and rainbow cake ( Thank you Mama Kayla for the idea, Dave bought all the stuff and insist I attempt one :). Picture upload later.

Eat, Exercise, Breathe.

School has consumed me.. BUT my mind is very full of inspiration. My personal growth of late has been immense...Well I suppose my realization of it has been the most important piece of the puzzle.

People, I am happy. Genuinely happy for the first time in... well I guess since I can remember. Not every day is super awesome, but it doesn't matter. My mantra, "This too shall pass" has calmed me, and if that doesn't work I remind myself that there is good in all things. Sometimes you just have to look really hard for the good, or accept that it may not be visible to you.

I never knew how to cope. I never knew how to embrace life for what it was. I knew how to break down and curl up into a ball and expect to be held like a child, and then cry harder when that didn't happen. Those skills got me no where but on a cocktail of medications. And while I do not deny that they have their place and time, I desired another way. I am now active in my mental health; I eat well, exercise, actively focus on the positive and the present. It ain't always easy but to breathe deeply and feel free is worth every ounce of energy drained from me in the process.

I thought I would share this. For some this would seem silly, but my life has been changed. Hell, it is constantly being changed anyway, might as well direct it in a positive direction.

We all Fall Down

Apparently there is a salt shortage on the University of Kentucky seeing as how they have resorted to scraping most of the sidewalks and there is an absolute absence of salt on them. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I wore snow boots, but for the sake of my rear side I wear the Shape up shoes that promise to shape, tone, and tighten your legs and butt without ever entering the gym (I don't know about all that, but my feet feel amazing in them and I am officially hooked!)

When I fell on the ice patch that the scraper missed all I could think was, "Damn it! I wish I had whatever extra padding I had back there before I became a workout nut!" (And Yes I still think exercise/health enthusiasts are nutty, even if I did join the club).

Right on my butt at a busy four way stop in front of the campus library. Some poor girl behind me rushed up to ask if I was "okay". " It is only my pride," I responded as I shooed her on with my hands... and that is the official way that my scholastic day began.

Joyful. And it was in the fact that I did not sit down and cry as I might have a year ago when the world seemed so heavy it was hard to push air into my lungs. It is in those moments, when I am embarrassed, when I sit with an exam in front of me that I did not have time to study for, and I just smile and think it's okay, I'll do better tomorrow, and if I don't, well...that's okay too. Those are the moments that remind me that I am better, that I am stronger, that peace, hope, and good things can all be mine if I embrace them.

And maybe I just have mood swings.... I mean the next post could be 5 minutes in the future and I could be spouting out enough negativity to disturb just about anyone, but of course I would have an apology ready and that is the beauty of human error, there is beauty in that imperfection.

Just a Quickie...

I have been away for a few days, Skiing at WinterPlace in West Virginia. It was an amazing getaway for Dave and I, unfortunately now I must catch up with school and the like.

(Sigh). It is pouring the snow. We are touring Chrisman Mill Winery today at noon for a possible wedding location. I'm sure it will look better covered in snow than the winter mud that would've been there otherwise.

I will catch up soon, Til then, may we all stay warm and dry as we wait out this endless winter.

Family Photos (Another Picture Post)

On October 20th 2010, Jackson 1st Birthday, we had family photos taken.

The Location was on the farm that we had planned to have the wedding before I was overwhelmed with all the renting and setup that would take place before it could actually happen there.

Jackson was quite the poser in this blue rocking chair that once belonged to my brother, then me, now Jack. (It was probably someone's before that, but I don't know the story, I should really ask my mother).



This was the Family photo that I chose for our biggest enlargement, Jackson just giving in to our hugs is still one of my favorite times with him.



Our photographers were also awesome enough to shoot some engagement photos too for Dave and I. These ladies definitely had a way of capturing our magic, especially after we warmed up to the camera a bit.

Don't take my word for it though... Check them out at http://www.firstcomeslovephotography.org/

Picture(s) of the Day

Sometimes stories are better told through pictures. Even Jackson will tell you that!! This one speaks of the goodness of cooking dinner with Momma and Dad and of getting chocolate pudding just because you are an extra sweet little boy (And because it is the "good" kind with lots of vitamin A and D : ) Momma is sneakier than you know : ).
Not from today but a few nights ago. A bird we killed and cleaned ourselves. Ready to be roasted with onion, garlic, butter, and spice galore drizzles on it.... A very tasty chicken, indeed!

I worked today at the Cracker Barrel (As I do every Sunday, it is beneficial to work with the public from time to time and the extra cash is nice.) and so my boys were let to fend for themselves. I found this picture on my camera when I came home. It literally melted my heart. Jackson has the best father.And then this really says it all... "Slow Down" you will see in the background (if you look really hard) and that is exactly what I did as I sat and played with my boy taking a series of photographs and reading his favorite stories. He has been picked up by his grandparents for a few days so that I can study tomorrow and go to school on Tuesday. I have been spoiled by his presence over this break. Even when he screams at me, even when he screams at the world, I love this little guy. He reminds me that I need to Slow Down.