Broken Things.

Add my laptop to the list....(sigh) My hard drive is gone, along with pictures of Jack's first birthday and my pre-surgery boob pictures. It just wouldn't start this morning and nothing we tried would coax it into cooperating one last time for a transfer of files to the externals. I tell myself every time I have a crash that this is the last time I will be caught with my pants down so to speak, that I will back up every single file I have. And yet I never seem to get around to it. My hope now is that we will be able to send off and get the files extracted by a professional, Boobie shots and all.

The breaker also went a few days ago so I have had no washer or dryer for about 3 days now. To top off this delightful season Jackson and I are both on antibiotics after a doctor visit today. But Jackson is now peacefully resting and as the scene to our left indicates, I am enjoying a small glass of Jim Beam Rye and Ginger Ale (My new favorite drink, You should try it if you haven't.)

The good news is that I am not broken. Well not anymore. Not after I had a good cry and walk in the snow with the most beautifully strong, kind, and patient man that I know. Dave has a way of encouraging me to be happy even when my brain chemistry pulls so hard in every opposite direction, He reminds me that it is perfectly fine to take a deep breath and restart my day as many times as it takes to get it right, today... it took until about 1 am. (I just realized "today" in that last sentence is over. Technically I never did get yesterday right, But today has started out GREAT and I haven't even slept!)

So in light of so many "broken things" I feel it is appropriate to focus on all the things that couldn't be more "unbroken":
1. In spite of 2 very ill participants, our Christmas morning was delightful! Jackson played and played with new toys. His car ramps were definitely his favorite, especially after I showed him that many different objects could be cleverly shot down the ramp. (Pictures might be posted when I get a steady computer for downloading them from my camera.)
2. A new hard drive has been ordered for my laptop.
3. 2 plane tickets destined for Switzerland from May 22nd through June 2nd were purchased today! Our honeymoon destination is official and there are no refunds now.
4. Dave bought what we need to fix the breaker. And I found out that we all have more clothes to wear than I thought and that it is totally possible to go 2 weeks without doing laundry.
4. Dave took it upon himself to buy me a spicy East Indian Snack Mix that is tasty as hell since I am sick and prepare curative chili and bread for us all in the same day. I am going to stop there for fear that this is getting too lovey and sweet.

Tantrums

So the kiddo has been walking around crying for what feels like days now. I mean he takes spells where he is just unsettled, nothing is good enough, he eats and plays, but cries at the same time. It is pitiful, but seeing how nothing I do seems to help for long I am ignoring these tantrums and it honestly seems to make them at least shorter. I know, I'm a mean 'ol momma, but Jack should definitely be used to it by now.

I busted my leg wearing these damn weights today and let out a stream of cursing that would make my brother proud (he taught me every conventional, and non-conventional cuss word I know). The problem with these things is that the added weight means added weight when they are slamming into things too, so, on that note I am angrily putting them away for the day.

Christmas is closer. I am excited, at least at the thought of all the wine and egg nog that I get to ingest over the next few days, mostly at others expense, Sweet, I know. I remember the days when suggesting we have alcohol at my mother's house would have resulted in an argument hardly worth the trouble. Her new openness on the issue has made a huge difference in my willingness to drive the 2 hours to her house for a visit. Smart Move Momma!

I guess it is time to prepare; prepare for the quiet evening at home and christmas with my parents tomorrow. Hello, heated coffee, good-bye propped up feet (I think the ankle weights actually lead to more sitting than ass-toning anyway). How many times can you microwave old coffee and still be a reasonable adult?

Yes, I now use Ankle Weights...

And they suck, I trip over anything that I don't consciously lift my legs higher than normal to avoid. On the plus side I honestly feel 10 pounds lighter when they are gone, but only because they weigh ten pounds.

I love being home, but I also loved my routine that allowed for 3 days of intense exercise each week. I have all the equipment at home to work out, but fear that the break in routine will result in a physical activity reduction and I know how important it is for me to keep this up. Since I began this exercise regime I eat more, weigh the same, but have dropped two sizes, have visible definition in my upper body, and for the first time in a long time, am beginning to experience stability in my moods. Yes, Exercise is wonderful, and in the spirit of keeping it up, I will wear my ankle weights with a smile and pretend to still have an ounce of dignity. : )

Oh Christmastime, sweet Christmastime. The time of year in which everything seems to just shit out. This year's list of appliances that crapped out for the Christmas season include: Dave's computer and the stove/oven, the internet also went down for a day or so but Windstream has already fixed that. This wouldn't be so bad if appliances like these were given away, which I think would make complete sense in the spirit of Christmas.

Dave had high hopes of fixing the oven, but the part we needed for it alone would've cost $250+, and this is not the time of year in which we have that kind of cash lying around, so we looked for a used one and found an old Whirlpool for $100 at a peddler's mall type of place in our town. We were soooo relieved. We use that stove every single day without fail and the night it all went out we had to resort to using the microwave to make sauce for our Chinese chicken dish. This stove is not a flat top nor is it digital like our old one and we couldn't be happier about it. Through this we realized that while digital appliances may look "chic" they have far more expensive parts.

The best part is that we have more decor to add to the outside of our place, A nice black oven is always a nice touch to any yard area. And the yard area is where it will stay until county clean-up. (Sigh)

The computer issue has yet to be resolved but I still have the cheap Dell we found on Ebay for me and I think we will be able to share just fine, at least until I have to go back to school.

Merry Christmas to all and I hope the attack of the appliance gremlins isn't widespread.

P.S. Jackson says: "baby", "butt", and "hat" now. He repeats "baby" when we say it to him, "butt" when I wipe his butt, and "hat" when he tries to put things on his head like a sock or slinky. It is very, very cute.

Free from the Scholastic Chains.

I feel at least 10 pound lighter than I did this morning. The first semester of my senior year has come to an end and I have not had a nervous breakdown!! There's a Christmas Miracle if I ever saw one. I have no clue what I made in my classes and quite honestly I don't even care, it just feels good to have one responsibility lifted from my shoulders, if only briefly. It was a good semester though. I met so many wonderful people that I call friends and learned so many things. I know all about abnormal psychology now, Personality Disorders, Psychoses, Eating Disorders, Axis I Disorders (Depression, Anxiety, etc) and have diagnosed nearly everyone I know : ). I also discovered that the criminal justice system is quite complex and crooked, and the decriminalization of illegal drugs would help our country and the people in it far more than the policy of prohibition and abstinence we observe now. Let's see, Psychological Testing and statistics really didn't make that much of an impact on me so.... We'll just leave it at that.

Jackson, on the other hand, did not fair so well during finals week, but has a terrible cold. I say "terrible" because it is the first time that he has really been sick since he was born. We were lucky, I know. He snots, and coughs, and cries when I wipe or try to suck the snot out. He doesn't want to eat anything and I know it is because everything tastes like those little crackers we used to eat at communion as kids.

In spite of it all, he is still very pleasant. He says "pot" now and "hot pot", which I realize are very similar, but I know he is saying 2 distinct words, It is one of those things a Momma kinda knows.

I dreamt last night that he was stringing words together in sentences, and I know the time for that in reality is very near.

We are actually enjoying the holidays this years. Last year seemed like such a struggle with a new baby and dealing with what I still won't admit was post partum depression. This year is different though. This year we have bonded and grown tremendously as a family and are ready to relish each moment and memory that we make.

Time are hard. This is evident in the grim look everyone seems to share out there handing cashiers credit cards that are one swipe away from being maxed out. And in this I am reminded that none of the plastic crap in the stores out there makes people happy anyway. Happiness comes from within, it comes from the love we give and the love given to us. Jackson shows me how a spoon, or a broken toy can be just as entertaining as the most high tech baby toys out there. These realizations are good. I am getting on track. I am glad to be free from scholastic activities for a brief time to truly enjoy this. :)

Happy Holidays to All! Enjoy whatever it is in the world that makes you happy!

Bite-Hot-Lights!

Thanksgiving was wonderful! It was a break from our daily routines that I know we all needed!

Food, Family, Fun: Jackson used his new molars to chew through turkey, ham, stuffing, pies, yeast rolls, cake, squash, beans, and a number of other tasty treats that I felt absolutely no guilt in letting him or myself indulge. Speaking of molars, Jackson now how a total of 12 teeth! He loves his toothbrush and will pick up and put into his mouth anyone's toothbrush that he finds!

He says "hot" constantly, mainly in reference to food, fire, and anything that is hot; He has it figured out! Lights used to be "hot" but now they are "lights" and "bite" he uses when he feeds the dog. All these words are so cute to hear come from his tiny little mouth and it is fun watching him analyzing the movements of our mouths when putting words together and then his over-exaggerated imitations.

Over Thanksgiving weekend Daddy Dave went out in the woods and cut a cedar tree for me to decorate. I pushed for the fake tree, it is what we always used in my family and I felt a real Christmas tree would be too much trouble. That, and I will be the first to admit that I like the "perfection" that the artificial trees offer, although perfection is something that I have had to let go lately for the sake of my sanity. Okay on to the tree, I am so glad he cut a real one for us!! It smells divine, beautiful, natural, and once I got past the pricks in my hand and arms, I am convinced I will want a real tree each and every year! Needless to say, Jackson loves the tree and the lights and playing with the ornaments which he will gently remove and then try to place back into the tree, I am just glad that "put it back Jack" has finally paid off and now we rarely have to even say it.

I am also surprisingly excited about Santa Claus! I previously didn't really want to observe this tradition for my children, but there is something about having a sweet, curious child around that makes the holidays magical again, and I want to recreate that magic for Jackson. So Santa, has finished much of "his" shopping and simply cannot wait to see the excitement and fun of Christmas morning.

I finally feel caught up with school and with life, and am taking a day to just relax a bit and catch my breath. It has been a great holiday! The best part is that the holidays have just begun!

Belated Halloween Post

I am behind as usual with just about everything except being a spectacular Momma to my most wonderful son! : )
Halloween was very fun for Mr. Jackson. I had breast augmentation surgery the Monday before Halloween, so he had spent the entire week with his Mamaw and Paw in Jackson Co. while Momma was recovering. Since I still wasn't able to lift him we created a caravan of helpers to aid in this 'lil Pirate's trick-or-treat experience.
We first went to Great Aunt Betty's house. Jackson visits there often in the County and always helps throw the ball for Billy Clyde dog.















We then stopped by Mamaw and Paw's House and got a Reese Cup, He liked chewing on the wrapper more than actually eating the candy and I was just fine with that! It could've been the bright wrapper or maybe the peanut buttery aroma but Reese's were Jackson's favorite for the night.

Of Course he couldn't leave without first playing a tune on the piano!


And a Family photo was definitely in order!




















Later we went to Great Aunt Judy's house where Jackson fell in love with the Harvest trees and picked up more sweet treats! He was very tired by this point and started his very scary Halloween-y growl to let us know that it was time to head home with out sweet bounty and rest for the night!


I felt very lucky to see Family in Jackson County as I make it down there so little these days with school keeping me up to my ears in research papers and Stress. But most importantly I was overjoyed to get to spend this holiday with Jackson; before the surgery I feared that recovery would be much harder than it actually was, and that I might not feel up to even getting out of the bed for Halloween. A week away nearly killed me and hearing his sweet voice on the phone is nothing like having him whisper those sweet nothings directly into your ear.


Things are back to normal now. We have a sweet toddling boy running around the house carrying toys and especially books! He says hot when he sees fire or touches anything warm and seeing his eyes light up with new understanding excites me to no end. I see all the possibilities in my son and I know we are both lucky to have each other.

1st Birthday Party!

So in the middle of midterms - just like last year when he was born- Jackson turned one year old, Luckily I didn't have class that day so Jackson and I hung out, played, and ate blueberry pancake made by yours truly. Later that day we went to the farm on which we are getting married and had, family and a few engagement pictures taken by First Comes Love Photography. They were just awesome, full of energy and ideas and I can't wait to see how the pictures come out.

This Past Saturday we actually celebrated his birthday with a small group of family and friends.
So without further ado here are some pictures of Jackson Daniel Brown's very First Birthday Party








Beautiful Aunt Jessica and 1 Year old Jackson, Helping him celebrate his big day!





















Hijacking Auntie Kayla's straw, trying to put it back in her drink with little success. We were both very happy to see Kayla and Felicia arrive.










Grandma and cousin Ella. It was such a beautiful day for a Birthday Party!













Pappy Dan arrives and Jackson is very happy with the loads of attention given him.










Cousin Kiley pets Bear dog with little fear given his massive size.









One Year ago he was a small wriggling baby in my body, and now he is my son. He is a vibrant 1 year old who loves to play and dance to super loud music.He loves to eat hot peppers and cayenne flavored dishes with the exception of rubbing it into his eyes. We love him very much.



Opening Presents. He got so many awesome gifts, now we just have to figure out how we are going to store them in our very small house!















Cousin Kiley Helps Jackson Open and Play with presents. He has much to learn about these birthday celebrations. Auntie Felicia came too!










Cake Time!









Blowing out candles. Well actually I blew them out while Jackson tried to grab the flames.















First bite of cake. Organic and sweet, He loved it!
















Cake+Jack= Big mess!